We Have Undressed All Of The 9 Girls Of Nairobi Diaries…And This Is How They Look Naked. Especially Number 4. (Photos)

Their so-called Reality show has taken the nation by storm… Those antics are not even the standard antics you expect from the sleaziest Real Housewives of Atlanta episode. In a bid to stand out and carve a niche for themselves,the girls of Nairobi Diaries have gone all out and won’t leave no stone unturned.

It may be one of the most panned Kenyan shows ever but still,K24 won’t stop showing it. And the girls won’t stop basking in the infamy and unleashing even more outrageous tricks. It’s survival for the fittest… While the fittest is.

It’s blood and action and reality and war and sleaze and drama and obscenity all rolled into one big dirty sack called Nairobi Diaries.

It’s hunting season… And the predators are on the prowl.

But who are these girls? What do they represent? What’s their strengths and weaknesses? Why are they who they are? And why have they caused so huge a ruckus online?

Here,we undressed them and their on-air characters. One by one. Girl by girl….

1.Vera Sidika aka Miss Vee

She’s the most famous,exciting, sober and gorgeous of all of these tramps. Her fame and gorgeousness is something the Nation agreed upon years ago. She comes off as smart and less dramatic. She’s cool and collected. She seems to understand the rigors of a Reality Show much better than all of the rest. She seems intent on expanding HER brand and fortifying her empire as opposed to just going with the flow and playing by the already horrible script. Her lack of much airtime also is a smart move as she knows that too much exposure may have a two-pronged effect and probably not work in her favor. Her lack of too much presence on the show also gives us the illusion that she’s a busy woman and wasn’t very available for the shoots. She also lives up to the imaginations we have of her. Dresses the part quite well and,in all of her speeches,sounds super smart and witty. Her accent doesn’t seem concocted too. Her earlier dark skim seems eerie too. And quite honestly,she actually looks very ugly. Thank God you bleached,bitch. Looks like she was cut for Reality TV. And has the goods-physical and mental-to prove it.

2. Gertrude Murunga

Horrible horrible waste of time. For starters,she’s an ugly fat woman with an ugly personality,ugly accent,ugly grammar,ugly clothes,ugly mentality,ugly outlook on life,ugly camera look,ugly temper,ugly laughter,ugly acting skills,ugly lies and an even uglier fashion sense. Nothing about her screams ‘Reality Star’. How she even ended up on the show,pathetic as it is,is a marvel. Nothing about her is attractive. Nothing about her makes you want to watch her. It makes you miss her. Every little episode she’s in is an eyesore. Her voice itself is so tired and screechy you want to insure your precious ears. Her acting skills have the effectiveness of a poisoned squirrel. She dresses like a boutique shop employee in Buru Buru. And the fact that she thinks she’s the shit is so annoying you want to shoot her. Her knack for causing drama,too,is boring and downright predictable. Her drama moments are themselves not even prompted by anything. She seems to relish on stupidity and will curse you and rough you up for the flimsiest of reasons. Nothing about her says ‘Class’. And it’s a surprise she went through USIU and still didn’t shed all that shadiness and dirty personality. One of the show’s WORST cast members. Very unmemorable.

3. Sylvia Njoki 

The most cultured,classy and calm person in the whole show. Also,one cast member we are all wondering, ‘What is she doing on that show?’. Sylvia is not like 98% of these girls. Unlike them and their trashy loud mouths,she actually has a life. She’s an acclaimed fashion blogger,was a newspaper columnist by the time the first episode was being shot,she’s a mother and a very genuinely beautiful young woman with dreams and a passion and drive. How such a polished woman ended up on the same show with,say,Pendo, still baffles me. But this was shot some 3 years ago. She probably needed the exposure and the cheque. She was probably a little less brilliant and was as hungry for publicity as some of these girls STILL are. But she’s outgrown all of this fanfare. She’s the most level-headed girl in the show. And she managed to even out and balance the situations with her unpretentious attitude and genuine character. Not a bad one to watch. But she can be supremely boring. And that’s not a good Reality TV characteristic.

4. Pendo

If she wasn’t so full of shit,she’d be the life of the show. Unlike all of the other girls,this one is the single one who absolutely seems to grasp the whole essence of Trash TV. I mean,she’s trash herself. Pendo’s whole act is the embodiment of pruriency. She’s unladylike,often lewd,filthy,uncultured,foolish,loud,classless,offensive and deeply unattractive. She wants to be the show’s Kenya Moore or Nene Leakes… But somehow,she lacks their class,beauty,tact or proficiency. Her approach to issues as the IQ of a disabled donkey. She’s starting fights for absolutely no reason at all. And her fights themselves are the sort of fights unschooled hobos start in the villages in Kilifi. Don’t even get me started on her very pathetic accent. Or the obvious fact that she doesn’t know English. At all at all. Her overall look too makes her look like the ex-wife of a Nigerian conman. Her weaves are an eyesore. Her makeup reminds you of Tristessa,the Mexican prostitute immortalized in Jack Kerouac’s famous novel. Pendo is unnecessarily loud and combative. She’s also obnoxiously fond of gossip and slandering her cast mates. Maybe that’s who she was told to be by the show’s very uncreative directors… But they chose the wrong girl. She is an epic fail from beginning to end. Her fashion sense and awful red weaves mostly leave her looking like she needs a shower. Her shoddy eyeliner too is in a deep need of redemption. And when she talks,or laughs,it’s like a scene from a 1978 Horror film. She’s scary and despicable. But maybe that’s who she actually is. And that’s NOT even an act. Her lies and acting skills too are so appalling,it pains me that someone considered a woman of her mettle entertaining. Pure rubbish.

6. Ella

She reminds you of sexual diseases. She’s pretty,alright,but the amount of trash oozing out from her totally obliterates any good qualities she initially had. She’s Reality TV material,however. She’s fond of sleaze,trash-talk,pettiness,alarming confessions and little tiffs and that really is what constitutes a Reality Show fronted by a gang of feral women. Trouble is,most of the time,she’s unbelievable. Not much she says comes out as genuine. Her acting skills,however,are commendable… She’s easy on the camera and confident in a sexy way actually. Her makeup artist,assuming it’s Phoina Tosha,is doing an amazing job. If only the same make up artists can extend her services to Pendo and Gertrude. But can they afford her? With those mouths? Ella is fun to watch. And isn’t too intent on throwing shade or starting fights. Good for her. Her ubiquitousness in the show doesn’t help matters,though. She runs the risk of being boring if she’s in every single episode. Just sitting there there and talking about her life that,really,is very basic. Wouldn’t want her in my bed though. You can’t tell where that mouth has been. Or on whose bed those buttocks have lied. But like I said,she’s a fun one to watch.

7. Kiki Kasera

Intelligent. Smart. Witty. Alert. Accomplished. Educated. Achiever. Brilliant. Grounded. Focused. That’s Kiki Kasera. How she even ended up here,we may never know. Her inclusion on this show is a slap in the face of education and good grades and traditional social success. In most cases,women who end up on a Reality show of this calibre are usually lovers or has-beens looking to salvage their careers,start one or afford a paycheck. Kiki doesn’t look like the rest of them. Or even talk like them. She’s Girl Power personified. I mean,she’s a damn architect. How many architects did you meet on your way to work today? That means that she’s an accomplished young woman who is getting her money and helping with the city’s architectural landscape. Why then is she on this show? Hell,she’s not an entertainer for christsaakes! But she’s also fun to watch as she’s calm and sober most of the time. She doesn’t lose it as easily as all of the other members do. And her thinking is the most rational you’ll ever see on K24. And I am including that of their News Anchors. Kiki is a little fun girl. But she needs to entertain more. Or just quit the show and replace the graphics guy.

8. Marjolen Blokland

I don’t know whether she’s a regular,or just some girl they collected from Vera’s neighborhood to fill up the cast. I don’t quite get how they even found her or why anyone thought we’d love to watch a Half-Kenyan,Half-Dannish girl on TV. I don’t know what her credentials are. But I probably don’t mind. She’s another emerging life of the show. Despite the fact that she’s too cultured and furnished,she somehow is entertaining. Her life,probably,is. Unlike Pendo who will have to scream about her life and it’s privileges,in Marjolen’s case,you can clearly see her gorgeous life for yourself. She doesn’t even need to yell to you about it. She’s calm,too. And very judicious. Nothing about her screams ‘Ratchet’ and I think she’s a nice antidote to the generous amounts of boorishness the other girls are serving us. Oh, and she’s actually beautiful. In fact,the only genuinely beautiful cast member. Good for the eyes…

9. Molly

To be honest,I want to f**k Molly. Only if she’s willing to change that accent. And do something about those eyebrows. Girl out here looking like a Meme. Not a bad girl,though. Why everyone is starting a fight with her,I don’t know. Goes back to the show’s directors and scriptwriters… Boy do they need new plot lines…