Uncle Chim Tuna: Here’s what’s wrong with you

You know him as Uncle Chim Tuna/mwanume kachapwa. I know him as a crazy dipsh*t. The office knows him as the “ripped guy on the beach in Mombasa” He knows himself as a merciful God. Seriously, what is up with this man?

What do you do when you are sitting in the office, broody, and inexplicably mad at nothing and everything despite having a great morning? (NO, Aunt Flo isn’t visiting.) You fall into the deep end of Youtube, trying to search for inspiration for an article. This for me is usually indulging my obsession with murderers, serial killers and their psyche. So in a marathon Charles Manson afternoon, I stumbled upon a psychological analysis. But it wasn’t describing Charles Manson. It was describing my colleague Chim Tuna to me. I can’t believe I never saw this before.

Chimwani Obiajulu is a sociopath.

Superficial charm and smugness. Sociopaths have high charisma and tend to attract a following just because people want to be around them. Often appear to be sexy or have a strong sexual apetite (and sometimes wacky fetishes).

Grandiose sense of self-worth. They have to dominate others and “win” at all costs. They hate to lose any argument or fight viciously, even to the point of logical absurdity.

Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom. They feel no attachment to anything, so get easily bored. And discard things quickly. Everything in the world is like a play toy to them.

A shallow emotional range. They are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. Their brains simply lack the circuitry to process such emotions. This allows them to betray people, threaten people or harm people without giving it a second thought. They pursue any action that serves their own self interest even if it seriously harms others. This is why you will find many very “successful” sociopaths in high levels of government, in any nation.

Pathological liars. They invent outrageous lies about their experiences. They wildly exaggerate things to the point of absurdity, but when they describe it to you in a storytelling format, for some reason it sounds believable at the time.

Sociopaths are cunning/manipulative. They testin the upper 1% amongst their peers in intelligence tests. But they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them. Their high IQs makes them dangerous.

Lack of remorse or guilt. Sociopaths never apologize. They are never wrong. They never feel guilt. They can never apologize. Even if shown proof that they were wrong, they will refuse to apologize and instead go on the attack.

Callous/lack of empathy. I’m sorry, flat out. Sociopaths are incapable of love. They are entirely self-serving. They may feign love to get what they want, but they don’t actually FEEL love in the way that you or I do.

Parasitic lifestyle. Everybody needs to survive right? But a sociopath’s manipulative mind tells them they don’t need to do any hard work for themselves. Just feed of others doing it, and make them think they should do it as a service forthe two of them.

Poor behavioral controls/Impulsivity. Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people. They do bizarre, erratic things that regular people wouldn’t do. They are unbound by normal social contracts. Their behavior often seems irrational and extremely risky. Many people confuse this behaviour for drug use…. Nope. They know EXACTLY what they are doing.

Promiscuous sexual behavior. They are not bound by parameters of faithfulness. Sex is just a pleasure, and if they want it, they feel entitled to be GIVEN it.

Lack of realistic long-term goals. They get bored easily. Its always a new idea for them. They are exceptionally good at a variety of things, so honing down on one skill is hard. Hence they never do it. Just flit around on a whim.

Irresponsibility. Sociopaths have a shocking inability to accept responsibility for their own actions.

Many short-term serious relationships. They can easily act “in love” with anyone. And as easily tire of them. But because of their manipulation skills, they convince every partner that they are the one. Their lack of commitment and underdeveloped emotions defeat the purpose of actual relationships: COMMITMENT and EMOTIONS.

They speak poetically. They are master wordsmiths. They are able to deliver a running “stream of conscious” monologue that is intriguing and hypnotic. They are expert storytellers. They have an innate ability to compose complex poetry.

Sociopaths are delusional. They literally believe that what they say becomes truth merely because they say it. They can actually lie to their own consciousness, to the 360 turn around that the factual truth becomes an irrefutable lie. They believe they can un-do things they’ve done by believing they never did it.

(Sidenote: The shocking thing is as I wrote this article…… I began to question my own behaviour. But you can’t diagnose yourself can you? And who gave me the authority to diagnose Chim anyway? I think I just might be a sociopath too. How many of these things apply to you?)

Anyway, there you have it.

Chimwani Obiajulu is a sociopath.