TRIBAL TROUBLES: And Now,This Is The Problem With LUHYA Girls…Please Don’t Kill Me!

The Luo,Kikuyu and Kisii girl has already been analyzed by now. And even though they all are awesome women,with great attributes and immense beauty,kind souls and brilliant brains,still they have inherent weaknesses and repellent stuff about them.

Moving on swiftly,let’s get into the realm of the almighty (no pun intended) Luhya girl. This is the girl from Busia, Kakamega,Bungoma…A region that had never failed to make news,either National or Showbiz. The same region that produced the brilliant Kijana Wamwala and the docile Musalia Mudavadi…Oh,and the human deity,Father Wanyonyi. 

And while the Luhya girl is fabled to be an awesome cook,diligent homemaker and excellent wife,she does have,like all her compatriots,shades of weaknesses here and there.

Shall we point them out? Oh,why not! Be my guest.

THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH LUHYA GIRLS

Body physique 
I just had to start with this one. I just had to. This is more than an over-told Comedy stage stereotypical joke. The Luhya girl does posses a body that,if she’s not careful,can very easily cross over into the masculine realm. And while she has quite a great butt,Ok,not so great but still adorable African ass, trouble with her is that,the rest of her body is almost always shaped like a man’s. She has super muscular tendons. And her biceps too threaten to spill out of her blouse. In very many instances, this girl’s body is shaped and carved like a man’s. And it’s NOT a beautiful sight at all. No wonder they say Serena Williams,Drake’s rumored girlfriend,is Luhya. It’s all because of that body. And bro, It’s NOT a good body at all. All the muscles and biceps and staunch leg calfs is a powerful turn-off.

Food Hogs
Once again,from the many comedy shows we have on local TV,you must have come across this particular attribute about the Luhyas made into a joke over and over again. And yet,it’s true. It’s actually a thing that happens. The Luhya girl can eat herself into misery. Her appetite,like that of her male counterparts,is always on high adrenaline. She’ll sweep clean acres of food placed before her. And in most cases,she won’t even take her time as she devours the meal. All she needs is the least time possible,and she’s made mincemeat of whatever thing you placed on her plate. She’s an eater,this one. And she isn’t about to stop. 

Not Beauty Oriented
This is a little connected with the first point I talked about. While other girls from other tribes take a little too much time in trying to beautify themselves,never mind the excessive and reckless use of make-up,the Luhya girl doesn’t seem too interested in looking beautiful. Or even feeling it. She will take very little time grooming herself either for herself or even for her man. She won’t take a million trips to the washrooms to powder her nose when you take her clubbing. And she may not even invest in some nice cologne for those luck less armpits. However,with the advent of Vera Sidika,a proud and very westernized Luhya,this seems not to be the case anymore.

Too Strong Cultural Beliefs 
The Luhya girl comes from a proud tradition of firm family values,deep cultural practices and staunch parents and relatives all of whom are strong believers in complex cultures and even malevolent ancestors. And because she was born and brought up in this sort of deeply – spiritual and reverent set-up,she’s also caught up in the system. She will insist on observing absurd traditions and heeding to the call of some really weird practices… In accordance with her community. That may pull her back. And also a progressive man keen on keeping her sans the cultural baggage.

Poor Dressers
In keeping up with almost everything I’ve said so far,the Luhya girl is not exactly the best dresser in town. While her girls are stepping out all decked out and looking like flowers,with nice little black dresses,6-inch stilettos and sparkling jewelry,the Luhya girl steps out looking her drabbest. All she does,in most cases,is throw around some boring gray blouse over herself,a silly scarf,old church choir skirt and some nursery school teacher pumps and hit the road. She doesn’t invest much in her clothes. Or jewelry. It’s just a messy getup. And a bland,thoughtless one.

Hair…. 
This one is connected to the point above. A Luhya girl’s hair is a joke. And not even a funny one. Her natural hair itself is not any good to start with. And her efforts to glitz up her head gets worse with the sort of weather-beaten weaves she plants on her head. The weaves,in most cases,are not the sort of glossy,flowing Brazilian types (I understand she came to afford it) but some shambolic old messy mish-mash of some tired eyesore she bought at around Ksh. 300 around the corner. The weave is almost always poorly placed on her head and once she has it,she might stay with it for as long as 5 months… When it’s finally a huge,dirty mess of pain and ugliness. But somehow,in a futile attempt to keep it sheeny,she’ll occasionally douse it in pools of Vaseline and other oils making it even worse and comical.

 

 

That’s all we could gather for now.

 

I am wearing a helmet though…Your stones won’t hurt. Hehehe…

TOMORROW: THE PROBLEM WITH SOMALI GIRLS.