The bartender who has saved many marriages

Recently at my local, we were seated watching a rather interesting game with a friend of mine… His team, Liverpool was being drubbed and he was in a morose mood. Given that we were seated at the bar, the bartender, Kioko was taking part in the banter. The fact that he and I are both Manchester United fans made things that much more interesting.

As we were chuckling among ourselves, my friend disappeared into the world of his mobile phone. Kioko decided to ask him whether he was married or not which seemed to me to be a tangential question. Anyway, my pal said he isn’t and asked why he’d been asked that question. Kioko revealed that from his experience, whenever football matches go awry for fans, their wives usually endure long nights of sulking.

We laughed at this. We had never given it any thought yet it is actually true. You can imagine a guy leaving the house in good spirits only for him to return much later with dark vibes.

Kioko told us that in the days before quarantine, he would often see a lot of his patrons leave for home only to come back later because they had stumbled into an argument with their wives who kept insisting on having conversations when the guy just wanted to stew in the defeat of his team.

That conversation then went on yet another tangent as he began to regal us with stories of some of the pettiest fights he has ever witnessed between spouses. A lot can be said about liquid courage loosening lips.

One time, he witnessed a couple have a go at it because of a clash of their favourite TV shows. Mans wanted to watch his team play in a European competition. But his wife had been on her leave and she was bingeing on her favourite show. For some reason, they became territorial over the remote. After a burst up, the man left in a huff and went to watch the game at the club.

For some reason, his wife followed him. She didn’t believe that he was just coming to watch the game on his own. When she entered the clubhouse (my local is part of the property in the estate my parents live in), she found him seated all on his own, watching the game in the company of the bartender. She was shocked and hurt. To her, it felt like he just didn’t want to spend time with her in the house. But she was equally as shocked to realise he was actually only really interested in catching the game.

This was the simplest dome to deal with. Other situations are the type to raise the hair on the nape of the neck. Like this one time (okay, so it happens a lot) Kioko had to try and help couples that have been caught out with their clandes. On one occasion, the culprit was a married lady who was having a party with her husband’s friend. They had assumed the coast was clear as hubby dearest was out of town on a business trip!

By far, Kioko’s preference is dealing with remote control issues. Wouldn’t you prefer that too? I mean, Showmax has given you ready-made solutions that aren’t punishing on your wallet.

You don’t have to give up your games on match day and you can immerse yourself in the entire experience because Showmax actually shows all the games you’d want to catch.

• Football: English Premier League, LaLiga, Serie A, FA Cup, Premier Soccer League and more
• Athletics: Diamond League, World Challenge League and more
• Running: Berlin, Boston, London, NYC, Soweto Marathons and more
• Boxing: Selected IBF, WBA, WBO, WBC and African boxing events
• Other: Swimming, extreme sports, eSports, basketball, triathlon, horse-racing, netball, hockey, and much more

This list is subject to change based on rights limitations from sporting bodies and events availability may vary from country to country. And Showmax is constantly adding new, exciting events to their catalogue and will keep you updated.

And while you’re watching your ball, the missus can catch Monica on Showmax, which has an offer tailor-made for our Kenyan reality.

How? Well, you can watch on multiple different devices. For only KSH 380 per month, you get an all-you-can-eat buffet style access to the entire library of movies and shows that they have. As if that weren’t enough, Showmax has a “pay for one month and get two more months extra” offer running.

I’m sure you’re curious how the other issue was handled right? Well, I had to go home due to the quarantine curfew… I’ll find out the next time I’m at the local and I’ll let you in on that muchene.