Of William Ruto’s Sudden Hospital Admission,Boniface Manono And The Never-ending Circus Of Speculation In Kenya’s Social Media Games

The week is not over yet and we are yet to authoritatively decide what to believe from what a section of our politicians are telling us, what the mainstream media is telling us,what the bloggers are propagating, what social media is yapping about and what tech savvy Government busybodies are tweeting.

It’s been an interesting week, for sure.

It started off with the chaotic CORD protests that are now turning into something of a circus of the absurd, creatively dubbed ” Sheesha Mondays ” by Kenya’s hilarious online community, the CORD protests have not been short of everlasting punch lines and dramatic – sometimes brutal – takeaways to last us for a week or two, in the process, reducing the CORD principals, tear-gassed and teary, into weekly laughing stocks.

But one thing elevated this week’s edition of ‘Sheesha Mondays’ to something of a urban legend – the brutal beating on a protester-cum-job seeker who would be so caught up in the melee, images of him receiving a dog’s beating trended worldwide.

Following morning, some creative fellows decided to throw and spanner in the works and make some haste declaration – the guy with a green hoodie and blue jeans had died.

The guy that was captured on camera getting mercilessly brutalized by a brutish GSU guy had succumbed to the injuries.

All media picked up the ‘story’. Including yours truly.

Facebook groups even rolled out his funeral program. And we were all roped in.

Couple hours later, another story emerged – Wait… the dude is alive, he’s sitting up in his shack in the slums, waiting for treatment.

 

More confusion.

The story got even deeper. And messier and definitely juicer. The protester was now oscillating between names – He was Ben Ngatia in the morning. And Boniface Manono in the evening.

He was a Ndumberi dweller in the morning. And by evening, the dude was a Kibera constituent.

I’ve never seen a more confusing day in the news.

Raila Odinga, his submissive gang in tow, even observed a moment of silence for him. Turns out the dude was alive after all.

Now we had to update our articles for the umpteenth time.

As if the blogs and the radios and the Politicians and the busybodies weren’t confusing enough, the dude comes with his own version of the story. Entirely different from what anyone else had concocted.

Oh, come on!

Now, he was not even  a CORD protester. Ouch. He was now a job seeker,who was busy minding his business, with a rock in his pocket. What a way to mind your business.

Don’t even get me started on how he ended up changing shoes in one beating episode. Jehovah God. Whatever happened to continuity.

Enter the VVVIP who had suddenly collapsed at his Karen home being rushed to Karen Hospital.

The rumor mills went on overdrive. Who could that be? Who? Is he the guy we think he is? Dammit! He is! We soon discover.

The Internet almost breaks with the news of Deputy President Ruto being rushed to Nairobi Hospital.

One powerful blogger is behind it all. And we tend to always believe him. Why not today?

He insists his version of the story is true. Government mandarins state otherwise. We sit back and watch the episode unfold, gleefully, ready to drop the usual nonsense comments we are so adept at.

Silly theories revolving around dark powers and torches are bandied around. We laugh and laugh and laugh.

No, he isn’t admitted. He is in Mandera. Yes, He is admitted. He is NOT in Mandera. You know what, fine, Here are the pictures. See? He is in Mandera.

Psssh. Old pics. In fact, wait a minute, this was last year. Last freaking year. Dude is admitted.

The back and forth goes on. And on. We grab virtual popcorn. And wait. It later turns out, Dude is in Mandera after all. And we have more than enough pics to go around.

There he is,allover the place,looking healthier than the guy serving you tomato soup at the cafeteria. Laughing and shaking hands and definitely not looking like a guy who’s just survived a health scare.
How now!?? We wonder.

Our blogger insists his story is true. He isn’t the type that eats humble pie.

Shucks.

Boniface Manono’s telemundo is now starting to look like child’s play compared to the Ruto versus Alai babel.

All in one week.

Come on now! Can everyone stop being a source of news in this Country? Please?

Phew! And it’s only Friday!