Why Kenyan celebrity marriages and relationships are failing

From the Kabus (Simon and Sarah) to Frankie Just Gym It and his two women (Maureen Waititu and Corazon Kwamboka) and Weezdom and his nonsense, Mulamwah the king of simps and Carol Sonnie, Daddy Owen’s marriage, KRG da Don and his wife Linah Wanjiru Kiruthi, one would be forgiven for thinking Kenyan celebs are incapable of actually conducting healthy relationships be they long term or actual marriages.

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And even in the instances where our celebrities date and marry foreigners as is the case with both Tanasha Donna (and Diamond) and Anerlisa Muigai (and Ben Pol), Kenyan celebs just can’t seem to get the formula right and it is abundantly clear this is a Kenyan issue.

Whether the root of the problems experienced were infidelity, abandonment or a simple case of fools rushing in where even angels would fear to tread, these celebs are actually showing us what we all already knew about the current generation of Kenyans: we are a deeply damaged and rudderless society. Think about it and try to figure out for yourself why we have a precious few examples of healthy, functional relationships.

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Let’s actually discuss what the issues are and try to understand why Kenyan celebs suck so badly at having healthy relationships and which will explain to you further why the other day I argued against taking their relationship advice because let’s face it, you should only ever take advice from people you envy, not people whose life is in the latrine.

For starters, the fact that a lot of celebrities hide who they truly are is a huge reason why their relationships often fail. Instead of a man accepting and informing his partner that he wants to be polygamous, he hides that fact. Infact, some hide it from themselves and keep trying to go to church every Sunday to pray away the sin. But you can’t pray sin. And so when these men get into the position where they finally have options, they have already gotten into a relationship or marriage where the terms established were monogamous. So they are stuck sneaking around. That is what the likes of Frankie Just Gym It and the other cheaters get caught up in.

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Then there are celebrities like Mulamwah who completely failed to be the men they are supposed to be. They decided to simp and pedestalized their women. The problem with putting up your wife or girlfriend as a goddess is that the only thing she can do while on that perch is look down her nose at you. As a result, you end up with her losing her respect and admiration for you.

What about celebs like Daddy Owen? His is a more simple issue to deal with: he did not properly vet the woman he wound up married to. What do I mean by that? Well, for starters, she was a single mother. That in and of itself is a red flag unless her husband/ boyfriend before you had died. Beyond that, he should have taken as much time as possible getting to know her. Hell, given they wed while he was ontop of the world and his career was at it’s zentith, he should have put her through the ringer. Human beings are incapable of hiding who they are for very long. That is why when the tough times hit, she dumped him and moved right on into another man’s bed. If this man can teach you anything, a great deal of it is not to settle down with a pretty face devoid of loyalty. That and not simping and crying over a woman who is lying in another man’s bed.

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Then you have your angry Kenyan women being thoroughly represented by female celebs. These are the ladies who give trash advice like Maureen Waititu who was using her sons as a weapon wielded against their father, Frankie. I mean, just because a man might not be a good husband, doesn’t mean he is a terrible father. The likes of Amber Ray who was briefly married to Jimal Roho Safi and that was a complete shit-show because the only thing she knows how to do is pose seductively on social media and sleep with a man. Once that is done, she has little else to offer.

And let’s not even get started on Yummy Mummy who was reported by Edgar Obare to have been in dire straits after her husband left her in search of peace and appreciation right into the arms of another woman. But he is a weak man who doesn’t stand on principle so he ran back home when he was emotionally blackmailed. But Murugi Munyi is always talking about how she tells off and yells at her husband and how he has no say in matters pertaining to her body… Constantly emasculating the simp to the rest of us to the point we cannot understand this particular relationship short of having our minds run into the BDSM category of the Hub.

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Others are dying just to live up to societal expectations of their marriages that they themselves put in place. This last group is the likes of Sarah Kabu. That is why when we see the cracks in their union, it is over something explosive and it always ends up feeling like it was bubbling under.

And who are these celebs to turn to for advice? At the end of the day we have to remember that they  are the pioneers of an entirely different level of celebrity that we Kenyans, hell, we Africans have never seen before. So who can tell them how to manoeuvre? But they do need to stay ten toes down: grounded. They need to start being real about what they want and their expectations of their partners and holding themselves accountable.

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