The audacity: Betty Kyallo’s show teaches you about how to get and keep a man

I was gobsmacked to learn that Betty Kyallo has a new show meant to teach women how to win and keep their men. Let that sink in and try not to laugh. No, the show is not a comedy and it is not satirical. it is an unironic shitpost taken to the very next level.

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Seriously though, some TV executives and producers sat down and brainstormed about a new show that they felt would not only be entertaining but one that would also be a value addition to their audience’s lives and settled on giving her a show about the one aspect of her life that is a failure? make it make sense.

To start off, this new Betty Kyallo show is a terrible idea because it is merely an attempt at recycling talent rather than actually trying to find and establish fresh new talent, a mistake Kenyan and indeed, clearly, African legacy media companies make. That is why the young generation of YouTubers have come through and complete;ly blown past the older media personaities who boast a larger audience.

Betty Kyallo called out for jumping from one man to another, she responds

As I had mentioned previously, I am unclear as to whether this show is meant to be a comedy or an extension of a shitpost. Yaani we have all seen Betty Kyallo struggle with being a wife. She failed at that when she allegedly stepped out on her man for a certain Coastal Sultan. Then there have been the other abortive relationships that have either been short-lived (one night stands that played out too long?) or were just a blend of personalities that had nothing to offer each other (certainly because one was even married at the onset of the relationship).

Her most recent relationship is one that is beginning to look like it is going to put Betty Kyallo to shame because after everyone mocked it, the haters are once more vindicated as it looks like her and Nick Ndeda are no longer an item. Who would have thunk it?

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Let us use the analogy of the fisherman. If I want to learn about fishing, for starters, I wouldn’t be asking the fish now would I? I say this because men gatekeep relationships just as women gatekeep sex. I cannot ask a woman how to get chosen because every man’s criteria is different and they determine who they get into relationships with. Simply put, whether or not a woman wants a relationship with a man, she cannot force him into one any more than a man can force himself on a woman. And clearly, Betty Kyallo has failed at the entire relationship thing.

Let us use a second analogy. I will not ask the guard dog at the house that keeps being raided and robbed how to be a good guard dog. What am I supposed to learn from its failures at being a guard dog? I do not need a negative role model. The best part about this analogy is the understanding that dogs play different roles. Some dogs aren’t meant to be guard dogs, they are meant to be pampered companions for people who have no need for a guard dog. Equally, our dear host with the most has shown us that she is not wife material but she too can play a role… Catch my drift?

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And there is nothing wrong with that except when we take it into the context of her show on DSTV about how to be a wife, mother and guide to finding the wy to a man’s heart. Like the pieces on a chess set, everyone needs to play their position and know their role. If you are a jump off, it is more authentic and pleasant for you to teach me how to be a jump off instead of trying to tell me how to be something else. But who am I to even dream of stopping Betty Kyallo from getting her bag? She has found executives and TV producers gullible enough to not realise just how ironic this endeavour is and they have backed her up with their wallets. She would have to be a fool not to take them for all their worth.

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