Tag: Professor Hamo

How to cheat and not humiliate your wife [UPDATED]

Posted on by Ozymandias

I’d originally created this guide for idiots like Samidoh, Terrence Creative, Professor Hamo, Mr Seed, Jalang’o, Mwakideu but since then the list has grown to include Frankie Just Gym It and Akuku Danger. You see, over the last number of months and years, we have been inundated by reports of Kenyan celebrities cheating on their wives and getting caught because they are actually a dense lot.

Samidoh’s failure: Karen Nyamu is what you get when your husband is weak

The one thing these men I mentioned have in common with their affairs is the fact that they humiliated their wives. Kabi was Jesus did not cheat on his wife but he humiliated her. For some reason, rather than bite the bit and deal with the situation he created, he dragged his wife into his nonsense and made her the subject of hate once his ruse was exposed.

Celebrated media personality, Jalang’o

But the thing is, none of them, not Professor Hamo, not Jalang’o and definitely not Kabi was Jesus nor Mwakideu would have had to deal with the public humiliation their wives were exposed to had they had mentors cut from the old testament cloth.

Learning from female celebs: Don’t date her if she’s heavily active on social media

First off, let us shed the bullshit notion that men don’t cheat. From there, let us understand and agree that men with as many options as these Kenyan celebrities do will definitely step out on their marriage once or twice. But that doesn’t mean they do not love their wives nor that they are terrible husbands and fathers.

Alex Mwakideu

Alex Mwakideu

Secondly, we should also accept that given the context we are discussing, the men in question are high-value men. They have money and status and while most of them do not have looks, that is a distant third in third world situations that the prevalent one in Kenya.

“Sitoi hii mimba” Mr Seed’s ex side chick reveals why she will not abort months old pregnancy

Ok, now let us get into how a married man or men can get away with infidelity but we must appreciate that there are ways to cheat on your wife and not get caught up like Terrence Creative, Professor Hamo, Jalang’o or Mwakideu and this is actually what would be best for all parties involved rather than them trying to maintain their hypocritical facade.

Professor Hamo

Professor Hamo

First, all your actions must follow one rule, and that cardinal rule is that you must never humiliate your wife. That should form the basis of your intent and actions. Do not rub your affairs in your spouses face. The idea here is for you to be discreet because what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Do not tell your WhatsApp group or friends or pose for pictures that your clande has taken.

Mr Seed saga: Baby trapping a man does not work

Also, you do not allow your affair partner to disrespect your partner. They need to understand that their position isn’t to challenge for the queen’s spot. And to accomplish this, you have to be very clear as to whether or not you want to keep her as a second wife or if your affair partner is merely a plaything. Imagine if Samidoh and a host of other celebrities understood this and made their stance on the matter clear.

Somali lady ‘dating’ Mr Seed

Do not make a woman uglier than your wife your clande. I do not know why this is something Kenyan celebs do not understand. Never ever pick a woman who will make your wife wonder why her. You want to be able to argue and reason with your wife (in the event you’re caught) that you had no choice because your partner is hot. It might seem counterintuitive but what happens is when you’re busted, it sparks competition anxiety in your wife. That was not the case when Professor Hamo, Jalang’o or Mwakideu were busted but it is arguably the case for Mr Seed and Samidoh.

Karen Nyamu with former helper, Samidoh

As for the how,

Get a kabambe
This should be the first rule out of common sense. You never use your personal phone to sweet talk and sext. That is an amateur mistake. You need to know that your phone is always subject to scrutiny. So what you do is get a trap phone that you keep hidden in your car.
Don’t alter your behaviour
Stop changing things like your cologne, stop switching your schedule and stop altering your behaviour. you simply act like everything is normal. And that is easy to do when you’re in control of the relationship.

Crucial lessons Kenyans can learn from Alex Mwakideu’s cheating scandal

Don’t send Mpesa
One of the easiest ways for men -especially married men- to get caught, is by sending Mpesa to their lovers. Now all she needs to do is to provide that trail to your partner and your goose is cooked.

Stop sending nudes
Do I really need to explain this?! Can you not see how much drama this particular stunt has caused DJ Mo? He cannot even go on the offensive to defend himself otherwise, he risks having his pecker leaked online.

Alex Mwakideu finally comes clean on rumours claiming he cheated on wife

At the end of the day, we need to understand that unlike DJ Mo, we aren’t trying to bring shame to ourselves and our families. The best option to take when the urge to stray bites is for you to simply not. But if the urge grows beyond your capacity to handle it, then surely, it is our responsibility to ensure we do not get caught.

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Kenyan celebs should stop cheapening the electoral process

Posted on by Ozymandias

If there is a complaint Kenyan youth have, it is that they are consistently treated as a joke by the political class and I would argue that Kenyan celebs should largely bear the blame for this. Why do I say this? Well, it is because Kenyan celebs -especially the Z-listers are always trying to do anything to grab onto fast slipping relevance so they have started announcing their dive into politics.

Comedian Professor Hamo Declares Interest In Politics, Vies For Nakuru Seat

The new political drive is not borne of civic responsibility or the innate urge to change or create policies that will make life better for Kenyan youth. Nah, your favourite Kenyan celebs have realised they are nomlonger relevant and every recent stunt they pulled have flopped. They have realised they are no longer doing the numbers they used to on YouTube nor do their comedic performances elicit as many laughs as they used to so now they want your support because they want to become your area MCA or MP.

It is actually insane just how myopic and clownish this mess is. Kenyan celebs think little of Kenya’s electoral process. And perhaps we should not blame them because we have been raised by our parents to accept bullshit political leaders who are little more than avaricious sociopaths and psychopaths hellbent on robbing our national coffers blind.

Willy Paul seeks help from the DCI following Diana Marua’s rape attempt accusations

However, we as a people should stop blaming the older generation of voters and the leaders they chose. We can literally make a change and though I know this rant is going to fall on deaf ears. However, we do need to have a serious conversation about why Kenyan celebs are announcing that they are trying to get into politics.

In the past, members of parliament such as Jaguar (Starehe constituency) have spoken just a handful of times in the years they have been in the August House. So what is he doing there? And now we have socialites and bimbos who have declared they have little else to offer than their sexuality declaring their political intent. Is it any wonder why airheaded female politicians are body shaming each other? they both know they cannot attack the other’s development track record nor their qualifications other than to attack the shape of each other’s body.

As a result, we are raising an entirely new generation of politically irresponsible voters. People who will vie something that affects the trajectory of our lives and the destiny of our nation as a joke. I would prefer it if the Kenyan celebs attempting to vie for office would actually talk about something other than their intent. They have the platforms. Some of them have over 1 million followers across social media platforms yet all they have done is show us how big a clown they are.

We have socialites (accused of prostitution), singers and comedians turning the electoral process into a circus. we do not need any more of this as we are already having a tough time rooting out the chaff from the wheat. And Kenyan youth are incredibly impressionable. Or maybe I am just a frustrated youthful Kenyan tired of being used as a prop for political playmakers who think development is giving us a wheelbarrow and we keep dancing about it. Or inciting us to “remove madoadoa” and then think we are too stupid to see through the dog-whitcle political rhetoric. I want more for Kenyans and some things are way too serious to allow jokers and clowns to trample and poke fun at.

https://twitter.com/CisNyakundi/status/1483710312499093504

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Slayqueens need to stop making their uterus our business

Posted on by Ozymandias

Slayqueens are a peculiar breed indeed. You see, when we look at their lives through the window they allow us (Instagram), they are leading the type of life that can give any impressionable fool enough envy to drive them insane.

“Sitoi hii mimba” Mr Seed’s ex side chick reveals why she will not abort months old pregnancy

From partying with the most powerful men in the country to hanging out with the most popular celebrities, slayqueens seem to be leading the type of high flying life they aren’t qualified for outside of being attractive and sexually available.

And when their followers raise questions regarding the type of situations they put themselves in or the men they are dealing with, we get called haters. You need to understand that a lot of the men who are busy asking you to reconsider are white knight simps who are selfish enough to want to protect you from making your mistakes. I get it, the smart play here is for you to simply ignore these women and let them reap the harvest from the seeds they sowed but it is what it is with such men.

A tale of two clowns: Professor Hamo and Jemutai

Then when the relationships go awry, that is when slayqueens like Swabrina (Mr Seed’s new baby mama), Jemutai (Professor Hamo’s baby mama), Karen Nyamu (Samidoh’s groupie), Kapoor Vixen (B Classic’s baby mama) and all the other chokora pop up to beg for sympathy and ask us to shame the men they themselves chose to sire children for.

Samidoh, Karen Nyamu
Senior slayqueen Karen Nyamu with Samidoh

And that is where I have an issue with these slayqueens. You say we get no say in how you choose to use your body or whom you share your viscous innards with. But as soon as you get a baby, you want us to get involved in the fruits of their uterus.

“He visits the children while drunk” Jemutai shares more dirt on Prof Hamo

So we do not have the power to help them think through how they choose to employ their feminine parts but we are invited to weigh in on the results of her coitus with these men and the fruits of their uterus? As one of my mentors always says,

“Make it make sense”.

The audacity of it all is mind-boggling. When Bridgette Achieng was dealing with West African men, the only thing that was our business was her having fun and showing off the gifts she was given. When that man became a deadbeat dad, she started running to us to get us to buy tickets to the pity party. Why?

Jemutai
Stella Koitie popularly known as Jemutai invited us to get involved with her uterus after she and Hamo had a falling out

And it is time we give ourselves enough respect not to get involved in how these slayqueens chose to use their uterus even when they go to our timelines to beg us to get involved because I guarantee you that they will not change or play their games smarter. They will simply make noise the next time some celeb or politician impregnates them.

For more thought-provoking opinion pieces, click here. And be sure to follow our Instagram account.

How to cheat and not humiliate your wife

Posted on by Ozymandias

This is a guide for idiots like Samidoh, Terrence Creative, Professor Hamo, Mr Seed, Jalang’o, Mwakideu and the rest would be well advised to pay attention to. You see, over the last number of weeks and months, we have been inundated by reports of Kenyan celebrities cheating on their wives and getting caught because they are actually a dense lot.

Samidoh’s failure: Karen Nyamu is what you get when your husband is weak

The one thing these men I mentioned have in common with their affairs is the fact that they humiliated their wives. Kabi was Jesus did not cheat on his wife but he humiliated her. For some reason, rather than bite the bit and deal with the situation he created, he dragged his wife into his nonsense and made her the subject of hate once his ruse was exposed.

Celebrated media personality, Jalang’o

But the thing is, none of them, not Professor Hamo, not Jalang’o and definitely not Kabi was Jesus nor Mwakideu would have had to deal with the public humiliation their wives were exposed to had they had mentors cut from the old testament cloth.

Learning from female celebs: Don’t date her if she’s heavily active on social media

First off, let us shed the bullshit notion that men don’t cheat. From there, let us understand and agree that men with as many options as these Kenyan celebrities do will definitely step out on their marriage once or twice. But that doesn’t mean they do not love their wives nor that they are terrible husbands and fathers.

Alex Mwakideu
Alex Mwakideu

Secondly, we should also accept that given the context we are discussing, the men in question are high-value men. They have money and status and while most of them do not have looks, that is a distant third in third world situations that the prevalent one in Kenya.

“Sitoi hii mimba” Mr Seed’s ex side chick reveals why she will not abort months old pregnancy

Ok, now let us get into how a married man or men can get away with infidelity but we must appreciate that there are ways to cheat on your wife and not get caught up like Terrence Creative, Professor Hamo, Jalang’o or Mwakideu and this is actually what would be best for all parties involved rather than them trying to maintain their hypocritical facade.

Professor Hamo
Professor Hamo

First, all your actions must follow one rule, and that cardinal rule is that you must never humiliate your wife. That should form the basis of your intent and actions. Do not rub your affairs in your spouses face. The idea here is for you to be discreet because what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Do not tell your WhatsApp group or friends or pose for pictures that your clande has taken.

Mr Seed saga: Baby trapping a man does not work

Also, you do not allow your affair partner to disrespect your partner. They need to understand that their position isn’t to challenge for the queen’s spot. And to accomplish this, you have to be very clear as to whether or not you want to keep her as a second wife or if your affair partner is merely a plaything. Imagine if Samidoh and a host of other celebrities understood this and made their stance on the matter clear.

Somali lady ‘dating’ Mr Seed

Do not make a woman uglier than your wife your clande. I do not know why this is something Kenyan celebs do not understand. Never ever pick a woman who will make your wife wonder why her. You want to be able to argue and reason with your wife (in the event you’re caught) that you had no choice because your partner is hot. It might seem counterintuitive but what happens is when you’re busted, it sparks competition anxiety in your wife. That was not the case when Professor Hamo, Jalang’o or Mwakideu were busted but it is arguably the case for Mr Seed and Samidoh.

Karen Nyamu with former helper, Samidoh

As for the how,

Get a kabambe
This should be the first rule out of common sense. You never use your personal phone to sweet talk and sext. That is an amateur mistake. You need to know that your phone is always subject to scrutiny. So what you do is get a trap phone that you keep hidden in your car.
Don’t alter your behaviour
Stop changing things like your cologne, stop switching your schedule and stop altering your behaviour. you simply act like everything is normal. And that is easy to do when you’re in control of the relationship.

Crucial lessons Kenyans can learn from Alex Mwakideu’s cheating scandal

Don’t send Mpesa
One of the easiest ways for men -especially married men- to get caught, is by sending Mpesa to their lovers. Now all she needs to do is to provide that trail to your partner and your goose is cooked.

Stop sending nudes
Do I really need to explain this?! Can you not see how much drama this particular stunt has caused DJ Mo? He cannot even go on the offensive to defend himself otherwise, he risks having his pecker leaked online.

Alex Mwakideu finally comes clean on rumours claiming he cheated on wife

At the end of the day, we need to understand that unlike DJ Mo, we aren’t trying to bring shame to ourselves and our families. The best option to take when the urge to stray bites is for you to simply not. But if the urge grows beyond your capacity to handle it, then surely, it is our responsibility to ensure we do not get caught.

For more thought-provoking opinion pieces, click here. And be sure to like our Facebook page.

A tale of two clowns: Professor Hamo and Jemutai

Posted on by Ozymandias

Professor Hamo and Jemutai have been the talk of the town as the couple that conducted their relationship in secrecy have decided to involve us all in their affairs with the female comedian accusing her former paramour of being a deadbeat dad.

“He visits the children while drunk” Jemutai shares more dirt on Prof Hamo

The thing that is ironic about all this is that when they were involved with each other, they kept their affair secret. And make no mistake about it, it was an affair because Professor Hamo is a married man.

Churchill Show comedians Wakimani and Professor Hamo

And given that situation, Jemutai still decided to go forward and sire two children for the comedian who saw a rise in his stock as he began to get nearly every cooperate gig and even got a ten million shilling contract from Star Times.

Churchill steps in to intervene after Jemutai and baby daddy, Prof Hamo air their dirty linen in public

And now that he is being accused of being a deadbeat father, we are being thrust into their personal affairs because she cannot afford to take care of her children and he isn’t supporting her but this is the type of situation that would not have happened if these two belligerents weren’t clowns.

Jemutai
Jemutai with her kids by Prof Hamo

Everyone sucks in this situation because it was not like the two are innocent. Professor Hamo was cheating on his wife. Jemutai knew she was the other woman. Why didn’t they just do the brave but right thing and just decide to settle into an openly polygamous marriage?

Adorable! 7 photos of Comedian Jemutai’s months old daughter giving many baby fever!

Why would Jemutai decide to bear children for a married man knowing those children were going to have to be a secret? As I have said before, my mentor always tells me that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. Secrecy locks the demons within. It deals in shame and guilt. Privacy locks the demons out and seeks to protect from unwanted interference.

 

As for Professor Hamo, if he is indeed a deadbeat father, then that says alot about who he is as a man. Trash. And after the first child, why did he continue trying for a second? Why didn’t he wisen up and start using protection? Clearly, he wasn’t thinking about the future and he also has poor impulse control.

Professor Hamo fights off competition from other comedians to replace Jalang’o on Hot 96

It is great to see his mentor, Churchill Ndambuki step in the middle of their affair and attempt to help them come to an amicable solution but my word, things shouldn’t have been allowed to get so out of hand. But what do you expect from two clowns who don’t know to think ahead? When two clowns date, expect the circus to come to town shortly afterwards.

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