How To Make Polygamy Work
Image: Samidoh with baby mama, Karen NyamuDuring our predecessors time, polygamy wasn’t a peculiar thing. Our grandparents and great grandparents had plenty to choose from. The good thing about it is, they were fulfilling what they were born for– filling the earth.
But in the recent past, not many women are fancying polygamy. As a matter of fact, they believe in being the only woman for their men. Despite the latter, men are still hanging on to polygamy in some sort of way.
The perfect epitome who depicts the same is Mugithi singer Samidoh, who was recently involved in a scandal in tandem with his side-chick and wife.
The day was Friday, December 16, 2022, and the setting was a nightclub in Dubai where Samidoh was set to have a live Mugithi show with hundreds of Kenyans attending.
The drama started when Ms Nyamu, who has two children with Samidoh and has previously exchanged bitter words with the singer’s wife, went to the table where Samidoh was seated with his wife and forcefully sat on his lap.
It seems like Samidoh is not playing his cards right.
Do’s and Dont’s Of Polygamy
Don’t keep score
Often, we may be tempted to try to turn multiple relationships into a tallying game—“You slept with her two nights in a row, now you need to sleep with me two nights in a row!” “You took him to dinner three times, but only took me to dinner once!”
Fairness and compassion are worthwhile goals in any relationship, but as anyone who’s ever been a child knows, sometimes things don’t work exactly the way we expect them to.
Don’t let problems sit
Addressing problems is never comfortable. Approaching a person who is behaving in a way that causes you pain or who isn’t meeting your needs carries emotional risk. Sometimes, it’s a lot more comfortable just to let small problems slide, at least until they become big problems.
Don’t coerce your relationships into a predefined shape; let them be what they are
Sometimes, people—particularly people who are already part of an established couple—decide what kind of relationship they want, what form that relationship will take, and then try to fit a person into that space.
People are complex, and every person will have his or her own ideas and desires and needs in a relationship. Trying to force a person in a box—for example, trying to say, “You can only date both of us and you have to develop a relationship with both of us that’s exactly the same and grows in exactly the same way”—rarely works. Instead, treat your relationships in a way that respects what they are. Give each person a voice; you are having a relationship, not looking for spare parts! Listen to what the relationship is telling you, instead of trying to force it to be something specific.
