It will now cost you twice as much to withdraw money from your bank! Kenyans come up with ingenious ways to survive Uhuru’s punitive taxes

The Finance Bill, 2018 which president Uhuru Kenyatta signed into law on September 21st opened a flood gate of taxation that is burdening ordinary Kenyans.

First the government introduced 8% tax on fuel that saw the price of a litre of petrol, diesel and kerosene to go up drastically.

Employed Kenyans will be deducted 1.5% from their monthly salaries to help finance a new low cost house project initiated by president Uhuru.

Uhuru also recommended excise duty on banks, mobile phone money transactions and internet data services to be increased twice as much.

Mobile phone transaction excise duty will shoot up from 10% to 20%, excise duty on bank transactions will increase from 12% to 20% and the cost of internet data services also goes up to 15%.

How to survive

Kenyans have come up with ingenious ways to survive Uhuru’s brutal tax regime. Popular blogger and Facebook funds mobiliser Ndungu Nyoro shared his tips:

TIPS for WANJIKU on how to SURVIVE Uhuru’s OVER TAXATION ( Austerity Measures)
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1. Don’t send withdrawal fee henceforth on top of money you send to others via M-PESA.

2). Carry food to work. Increase your dinner so as to spare some for lunch. This you do by adding more water and salt in the stew and eating less ugali (salt is not overtaxed). If you’re not full with less ugali, take three glasses of water and rush to bed. Ikishindikana tafuna KDF.

3). Switch off lights in your living room. Use the
TV screen light instead.

4). Instead of going out for some mbuzi and a
drink, go and sleep. Practice makes perfect. Bora uhai. Wind the clock and spare your coins for a rainy day.

5). Enroll your car for Uber or taxify cab services. Its a luxarious liability under the new taxation.

6). Gamble regularly. You never know. Unaweza
angukia jackpot. How much do they tax a jackpot by the way? Not many people win jackpots for the govt to rush and tax this income earner.

7). Avoid visiting your in laws. If you were
heading for dowry payment, postpone immediately until further notice. Hopefully, you’ll win a jackpot and settle it soonest.

8). Relocate to areas like Maroroi and King’eero.
Trust me, they’re not as bad as their names
sound. Rent is cheaper and cribs have kitchen
gardens where you can brood quails or open a
kibanda to sell sugar cane.

9). Get a skinny spouse if you’re not married.

10). Convert your broke moments into fasting
times as you face them. Man shall not live on
bread alone remember?

11). Shower in twos to minimize the water bill. The children can shower even three of them at a go.

12). Home school your children. All you need is send them to church on Saturdays and Sundays for CRE. Hire a Coastal househelp to teach them Kiswahili.

This she will do as she relates with them, while she does her chores. Come home early and give them Maths lessons. Let them watch CNN and BBC to develop their English.

Bring them Old Newspapers to help. Social Studies they can learn from interacting with their society.

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CHANUA neighbour, undugu ni kufaana. SHARE