KARIBU KENYA : The Indian Prime Minister Is In Town. Here Are 5 Unique Things The Good Indian People Have Taught Me.
Indian Prime Minister,the affable Narenda Damodardas Modi,he of the famous handshakes and awkward hugs,is in the Country. The Indian leader is in the Country for three days,the first of which was spent meeting ecstatic Indians living in Kenya at the Kasarani Stadium.
Narenda Modi is never short of surprises- it comes in many forms; the firm handshakes,the playful hugs,the social awkwardness,the bright robes,the off-the-cuff speeches,the zingers,the avuncular mien and the signature, crisply ironed, half-sleeved tunic-shirts.
He will be mostly remembered for shaking the hand of the Duke of Cambridge so tightly that poor Prince William was left with a discolored hand after the powerful grip.
And that viral photo of him hugging (or was it ushering) French President Francois Hollande from the back will also not be forgotten in a hurry.
But that’s not what’s inherently Indian about the good Prime Minister.
This is a man who leads a Country that shares a very close history with Kenya. A Country whose citizens actually played a very huge role in the physical creation of modern day Kenya.
Indians are famous for many things,especially here in Kenya.
They’re also famous for many misconceptions. And aren’t normally regarded as the best bosses in town.
From Bollywood to Cricket,India is one massive cultural melting pot,where all manner of traditions and cultures are practised,all manner of art and music is experienced,where all manner of religion and spectacular visual entrainment is found.
It’s also a severely overpopulated Country that still, even when bogged down by over a billion people,continues to soar high economically and do fantastically as a nation.
Indians are a proud nation of colors,of gods,of music and of deep spirituality.
And also,a nation of many lessons.
Despite the fact that the most famous Indian in Kenya was a crafty man named Kamlesh Pattni,an unscrupulous billionaire who almost wrecked the Country’s entire economy through a fraudulent gold deal in the height of the KANU autocracy,there’s no love lost between Kenya and India.
Ask the Kamba menial laborers along River Road.
In the spirit of welcoming Prime Minister Narenda Modi to our good Country,I wish to list a few things that the Indian people taught me. And the World.
1. Food Is Not Food – Without Spices.
If you’ve sat down for a hearty meal of a proper Indian dish,you must have been chocked by the sheer amount of pepper and spices that made it down your throat. An Indian dish is,to other people,a gamble with life. It’s a rich dish featuring some of the harshest and spiciest pepper and additives in town. Nothing is ever complete without spices in a typical Indian kitchen. Be it be dar/sambar, chicken,rice, rotisserie,chapatis or beef,spices must make a very prominent appearance. This is not food for the weak. You might cry yourself to the clinic. Life is spicy for the good,hungry Indian.
2. Life Is All About Deals
For the good Indian,nothing is not worth a deal. Good or bad. Nothing is not commercially possible – as long as you have the will and the patience to sit through an hour of bargains. Kenyans love to bargain. And Indians love floating a bargain across the table. Everything is affordable in an Indian shop. You just need to have the right communication skills and the right tone. And it’s a done deal. From curtains to glassware to jewelery,an Indian trader will put you through a series of bargains. And you can’t resist him. Just can’t. Don’t believe me? Take a trip down Muindi Mbingu Street. And thank me later.
3. You Can Expose Your Body – And Still Be Classy
You must have seen Indian women and girls walk around town wearing their beautiful, flowing saris that barely cover their bellies and back. Yes,their lush black hair is gorgeous. But let’s talk about the saris today. Masterfully,these women throw around these saris around their bodies leaving very huge chunks of their bodies exposed. And they’re still classy at it! Brilliant. Unlike the typical Kenyan girl who will randomly tie around an assortment of tiny pieces of underwear around herself,and end up looking like a sex-starved tramp from a red lit district,Indian girls have a wonderful cultural dress which,even though it leaves their whole stomach hanging out,and even the upper torso,they still manage to look classy,elegant and marriageable all at the same time.
4. You Can Fit Your Whole Clan In Your House – And It’s All Good
Kenyans are famously averse at hosting their relatives. Like everyone else in the World. Kenyans hate having their relatives come over and a single weekend with your loud aunties and broke cousins can really be a pain in the ass. Not for the Indian. Indians can fill up a house with over sixty relatives. And live with them for a decade or two. Life is a whole big extended family party for the Indian. You can have your whole clan from your father’s side and live with them,eat with them,sleep with them and school with them for your entire childhood. And it’s not a big deal. Try that in Kenya.
5. When You Start Something – Finish It
We are not very good at starting things. Leave alone finishing them. The number of collapsed businesses in Nairobi is higher than the entire Kariobangi population. We start business and quit within a month. And then start another. And another. And another. But when an Indian sets his mind to something,it’s as good as done. You have seen them,seen their businesses across town,businesses that were launched waaaayyy back in 1948. And to date, they’re still going strong. Many years after the death of the founder. It’s more than an appetite for success – it’s a culture. And unlike Kenyans who set up a shot that will sell anything from cereals to curtains to crayons and sandals all under the same roof,when an Indian devices to set up shop,to sell nail cutters, he’ll still be selling nail cutters, and ONLY nail cutters, twenty years down the line. Not a lot of that happens amongst my type.
KARIBU KENYA Narenda Modi! And like some Facebook Comics hilariously suggested, please don’t go back before sorting out this whole Waititu Indian University degree thing.
It’s now become a national puzzle.
