8 Signs That Tell You Your Relationship Is One The ‘Red Line’
Things happen to all couples for better or for worse, but gauging where you two stand is an important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship. In this article, we are going to move from lighthearted topics like maintaining and adding spice to a relationship, to the harsher side of how to dissect and analyze a rocky relationship.
1. You’re arguing constantly
When you do try to communicate about things, it turns into a fight. Even the small things seem difficult to talk about now. Conflicts escalate quickly and are frequent. They may even be happening in front of the kids. Consider this is a clear sign to get help.
2. You Two Can’t Agree On Anything
She wants red, you want blue. She likes bananas, you like melons. He likes action movies, you are a more romantic type. He likes video games, you like doing your nails. These differences are completely normal. I mean seriously, who wants to date someone who is exactly like you. The above is perfectly healthy in a relationship unless it really starts getting in the way, like being unable to decide where the money goes, or what to do for tonight. If there is a heated argument every time the two of you try to decide on what to do or how to do something because you have differing opinions, you have a problem.
3. You discover that your partner is keeping secrets
Secrets are toxic and create an atmosphere that breeds mistrust, anger and resentment. Maybe secrets are being kept about the way money is spent or how financial decisions are made. Perhaps it’s a secret about maintaining frequent contact with an ex-partner.
4. Lack Of Trust
This is one is a major signs that something is wrong. Relationships cannot prosper if both partners cannot trust each other in all manners, or at least come clean on matters they cannot trust the other on (and work on them!). Put together a list of everything you couldn’t trust your significant other with. If it starts to look like a long laundry/grocery list you might have a problem.
5. You’re giving each other the silent treatment frequently
You both have given up on trying to communicate with each other. There’s an issue and neither of you bother anymore to try to resolve it. You’ve reached the stage in your relationship where you’ve decided there’s no point in communicating about issues as they likely never get resolved. You don’t feel understood or heard so you’ve given up.
6. Presence Causes Negativity
Going even further into the extreme of rocky/doomed relationships. Being next to them, hearing their name, or even just thinking of them breaks your mood or bring about a feeling of negativity, anxiousness, or tension. The above feeling is totally natural if one of the partners is angry or annoyed. It will pass, you may attempt to wisely facilitate its departure if you will.
However if both of you are of clear mind/neutral emotion and still find the negativity/anxiety/tension when you are with or thinking of the other, you better sit down and think of the why. “She has a short fuse”, “He usually gets home drunk”, and “He always gets intrusive/defensive whenever I am without him” are all possible examples of negatives that linger after their occurrence. I cannot say it enough, be objective in figuring out the why and act upon it. If you cannot pardon or find ways to live with or fix the current issue, then your relationship might be running aground.
7. No Forgiveness, Just Fighting
This one is a given. There are no breaks for happiness for the two of you, there is just fighting, bickering, and begrudgingly doing things together. With that said, I’m not talking about “Play Fighting” where both partners insult each other for the fun of it, I’m talking where there is a constant escalation of negativity between both parties. This is made extra worse every time something else from the past gets brought up (which it will) and the scenario leaps out of control and both parties gain nothing but anger from it.
My advice is to remain objective and to have both parties come forward and state their issues at the forefront and calmly discuss them. If things start to get heated or escalate; the conversation ends there and starts again on another day. Usually, as soon as one person gets heated or angered, almost all forms of communication become ineffective.
8. There Are More “Bad Times” Than “Good Times”
Think back on the last 30 times you were with your partner, did most of them end negatively or had more annoyance/sadness than general happiness? If not then your relationship might have entered a vicious cycle or pattern that needs to be broken if there is any chance for the two of you to survive. Look back onto the situations and find what is causing them. Your goal is to find the problem and work with your partner towards a solution together. Objectivity is key to avoid getting too personal.
