From Ratchet To Expensive: If Kenya’s Top Radio Presenters Were Brands Of Alcohol, Here’s What They Would Be
I have been going through my older material posted right here on Ghafla when I was young, dumb and such a self righteous asshole and I loved the old me! Is it a wonder why back then I would get solicited for sex via the Ghafla hotline? I think I will get back to the old me. He was more exciting and by a mile too!
But this isn’t about that self assured asshole that I could easily get confused for, this is about Kenya’s biggest radio personalities and what type of alcohol they would be. I did an article similar to this one back in 2012 but I compared alcohol brands to celebrities. Today, let’s compare alcohol beverages to radio personalities:
#1. Bonoko -Keg
Let’s face it, Bonoko and Keg share such uncanny similarities; for starters they are both immensely popular with the “mashinani” crowd. Secondly, they are a guilty pleasure for up market types who like to act worldly.
#2. Peninah Muthoni Mbugua a.k.a PM(squared) -Blue Moon
The Inooro FM radio presenter appeals to ratchet folk but ratchet of a certain kind -the type to pretend that they are too cultured for keg… Or maybe it’s that they want to get high faster. Anyway, she would be Blue Moon.
#3. Cess Mutungi -Kibao
As my friend and colleague Vince said, “Jiyo pombe mtu akikunywa anoengea mingi!” (The drink that gets people speaking alot).
That just about sums Cess Mutungi up don’t you think? And I think I like her alot because we’re two peas in a pod.
#4. Mbusii -Kenya Cane
Mbusii still appeals to the grass root crowd but the thing you have to love about the lad is the finesse with which he does it. And add to that the fact that he never tries to pretend that this is not his niche audience and you have a humble winner.
#5. Mwalimu Rachel -Tequila Rose
Why is Mwalimu Rachel a 6 ana a half percent bottle of alcohol? Well, because she is not controversial. Plus she goes down well -vocally I mean! She is easy, on the ears! Heeby Jebus! Get your mind out of the gutter lads!
#6. Adelle Onyango -Baileys
I am reliably told by the lady drinkers in the office (Fox and Chege) that this is the ultimate fashion statement for young ladies who harbour great ambition, have recently graduated and love being seen at Blankets and Wine.
To me Adelle represents the best of the ladies aged between 24-27 – I haven’t seen anything good in women aged 28-35 yet!
#7. Shaffie Weru -Ciroc
If lShaffie were a bottle of alcohol he would undoubtedly be Ciroc. Why? Well because he is the toast of the town and celebrities love to flock his events -self same way they love to be photographed around a bottle of Ciroc!
Trust me, you aren’t an aspiring celebrity unless you have been spotted by paparazzi sipping Ciroc. Even I had my moments last year ith the brand!
#8. Caroline Mutoko -Moet
Caroline is the queen. This is the only drink befitting her status.
#9. Mzazi Willy M. Tuva -Jameson Reserve Select
I will admit that the last two positions were a toss up. I wasn’t sure who to give the ulimate spot to so I aske the team and this is the result of their vote. Why Jameson Select? Well, because he is popular but he is also a king and Jameson Reserve Select hapana ya mtu ovyo ovyo.
#10. Maina Kageni -Glenfiddich
The king is here, the king is here! And not just any old Glenfiddich will do. he had tpo be something special! I would have chosen a more rare brand of whisky/whiskey but I am afraid I would lose you!
And there you have it! Now for a silly GIF with no relation whatsoever to the story!
