Every Country In The World Has A Donald Trump. And Here Are 6 Of Our Own Kenyan Donald Trumps. They’re Crazy. They’re Shocking. They’re Super Rich. And They’re Powerful.

In a span of less than an year,American business magnate Donald Trump has moved from ‘quack politician’ to’ New Hitler’ real fast. His fascist theories,shocking proposals,reckless pronouncements,unbridled attacks on minorities and dangerous obsession with Americanism has left the entire World shocked and lost for words.

And for the last couple days,he has managed to plunge the entire World into utter shock after making a deplorable announcement that he’d ban all Muslims from entering the USA. Even American Muslims who’ve traveled abroad for business or pleasure.

Even his own party,that seems to be beholden to him,came out to strongly condemn his proposal. Yes,even other countries and the White House itself have been forced to put their foot down and strongly denounce Trump’s very fascist idea calling it stupid,shocking and unbelievable even in Trump’s very low standards.

That’s not the ONLY thing Mr. Trump has suggested or said. Last week,he mocked a paraplegic journalist by attempting to imitate his speech and hand movements. He also has expressed his hate for the African American community, called Hispanics thugs and rapists, called for the deportation of all immigrants and blasted a female TV presenter insinuating that she had menstrual periods during a Live Televised Debate.

He seems to be obsessed with himself and his jingoist image,obsessed with the sound of his own despotic voice and the cult-like attention he’s receiving. Donald has,consistently,continued to shock and upset,with every autocratic statement he makes and with all of the utterly unbelievable suggestions he’s been floating.

Donald doesn’t take a loss lightly and it’s even evident in the childish way he handled the loss to TIME MAGAZINE’S coveted PERSON OF THE YEAR title to German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

No one is safe from The Donald’s savagery. He’s managed to,within a very short period of time,eviscerate powerful Washington politician Hillary Clinton and,like an unruly blizzard,blaze himself through to the top of the Republican Party making mince meat of even smarter and saner politicians like Jeb Bush.

One other thing,besides the ruthless attacks,extremism and incredible arrogance, Donald Trump is stupendously wealthy. He’s self-funding his own atrocious Presidential campaign and he’s never missed an opportunity to remind America just how much he’s worth. Even bloating the figure to double his actual worth just to pump up his dreadful image even further.

And just like Trump,we do have our own potheads. They’re increasingly popular and they’re also blindingly rich. They’re on record for saying that stuff that shocked us and revolted us. They’ve made bewildering statements and sustained some really unorthodox grassroots campaigns.

And just like Trump,nothing seems to affect them. They get off the hook quite easy. They’re adored by the masses quite crazily. And they don’t seem to be ready to slow down. Not any time soon.

Here are 6 Of Kenya’s Most Prominent Donald Trumps…

1. Mike Sonko

Since he made his thunderous debut in Nairobi politics,nothings has been the same. Until his election as Makadara MP, Gideon Mbuvi Sonko was still a relatively unknown face outside of Buruburu. And then he started making waves… Winning everything, making crazy statements,showing up dressed like a ruffian in Parliament,donning endless bling,cursing and swearing at his enemies in public,initiating public duels,leading thuggish Street protests,boxing walls in the streets and inciting masses for any cause he’d chosen. Mike quickly moved from a greenhorn politician to one of Nairobi’s most powerful powerbrokers. Sonko is also incredibly rich. And just like Trump, doesn’t seem to fear anyone. Or respect anyone. His mouth is as dreaded as Trump’s. He called Muthama some very unprintable names just the other day. In public. And we can never forget the epic manner in which he once furiously unloaded on Radio Queen Caroline Mutoko calling her a ‘Mal*ya’ amongst other very unprintable names. Behold,our BEST Trump ambassador.

2. Babu Owino

Leave it to Babu. From writing protest letters to Obama with threats ranging from suicide to peeing allover the Campus,to calling press conferences riddled with the most ludicrous butchery of grammar to leading tumultuous Campus campaigns for SONU leadership,riding roughshod over everyone,including the Vice Chancellor, Babu reminds us that no one can stop him. The media hasn’t been able to tame Babu. Neither has the President who is also said to be his close friend. He makes and breaks rules across the entire UON like it’s his little village nightclub. He’s made pronouncements that shocked us and even made us laugh. He’s been accused of grave crimes and still,floated through it all. He’s now avidly campaigning to take over the Westlands seat. And he’ll do it. Also, did I mention how wealthy he is? Well… That’s public knowledge by now. Plus,he’s been numerously named as one of Kenya’s MOST INFLUENTIAL people. Just like Trump. Combine the craziness and the insane wealth and the wild popularity. And we have ourselves a Trump student leader.

3. Johnston Muthama

Muthama’s notoriety is exactly like that of Donald Trump. He seems to never be afraid to say what most Politicians are afraid to say. He infamously linked Waiguru to Uhuru at that heated Uhuru Park rally that immediate dipped him into hot soup. Muthama is no stranger to Hate Speech summons too. He’s almost always flouted the Cohesion laws. He’s never afraid to call it like it is. He’s been accused of sponsoring a coup d’etat. He’s been constantly stoking the tribal fires. Making wild allegations and driving frenzied crowds crazy at rallies. And man,the crowds love them some Muthama. He’s a CORD crowd favorite. And CORD’s most fearsome and dreaded member. And he’s hell bent on being the baddest and the wickedest yet. Nothing stops in his way. Not even the President. Plus his wealth? Mind-boggling.

4. Moses Kuria 
He’s currently still in jail for hate speech charges (Wait,is he still?). He’s publicly called for the execution of anti NYS folks…. Allegedly asking a gathered crowd to massacre people using pangas. He’s also made a career around dehumanizing Luos for their supposed lack of circumcision always bringing the issue of their foreskin to every debate. He’s infamously tribal and deeply jingoistic. He’s also very characteristically walked out of a LIVE televised interview. Carrying the mic along with him. Kuria also is known to be really wealthy and powerful… And nothing he says or does seems to stick on him. Ever.

5. Steve Mbogo 
He’s still very fresh here. Very very fresh. But with the kind of momentum we’re seeing,Hon. Mbogo,as he’s already prematurely christened himself,will be one man to really watch. We haven’t known much about him or his policies. But he’s starting to, slowly,come out as quite the influential city figure bent on knocking everyone off and running the whole town a la Donald Trump. Mbogo’s massive wealth is also stuff of legend. He,just like Trump,is flamboyant and self-assured. One thing you can be sure of is,Mbogo won’t be some pushover. He’ll come for the City and he’ll take the city. And if that means a little jingoism along the way, then so be it.

6. Ferdinand Waititu 
Just like his compatriot Kuria,Waititu probably has more Trump cred than any other politician here. Waititu has constantly used tribe and the alienation of other people to get ahead politically. He once famously called for the expulsion of Maasai people from his constituency after a riot turned fatal earlier that day. He denied ever making inflammatory statements even after been caught on Camera making xenophobic threats towards a community. Waititu, who is street smart and also very wealthy is, just like Trump,a politician who plays with the emotions of the people to get ahead…. He’s deeply incitive and a dangerous populist. Waititu’s past remarks have shocked and jarred the nation. And even then,he still pulls through. And still gets elected. Yet again. Just like it happened in Kabete the other day. A true Trump this one. Even their body sizes and facial expressions marry.