Drama In Nyayo Estate As The Police Raid A House Party,Arrest Everyone,Beat Up A Girl And KTN’s Shaniqwa Shows Up At The Police Station (Part Two)

Wapi mwenye nyumba?? ” the commander asks one more time before we are all bundled into a waiting police van and told to squeeze ourselves till we all fit in it.

I’m holding a beer can which is quickly snatched from my hands and tossed across the road,it’s contents spilling allover the place.

”Ingia kwa gari!! ” some female cop, who looks like she’s been through real war,yells at some girls still idling around the van.

The girls refuse to leave until they’ve called ” their lawyer ” . Who calls their lawyer at 12.06am in the morning?!!

”I’m calling my lawyer! I’m not going anywhere until I call my lawyer! ” one of the girl says.

Lyn shows up. She’s now fully dressed up and ready for war. ” This is my house! ”, she declares. ” Why are you guys arresting my guests?!!! In fact you need to LEAVE immediately!! ”

“Yeah! Mnakuja hapa tu kukula dooh… We are not criminals… Go arrest real criminals!” Some girl named Sue retorts,refusing to board the Police van.

Wrong question. Wrong declaration. Sue is promptly slapped across the face sending her falling over the pavement,unable to stand still or think straight.

Everyone blows up!!! “No way! We will NOT allow you to slap and violate our friends! Noooo fuckin wayy!!!”

We all cause a mini riot and actually threaten to leave the van in protest.

We don’t win. Things happen fast and everyone is now bundled into the van.

“Funga nyumba twende!” Lyn is ordered. But Lyn declines to board the van and opts to drive herself to the station. Other girls too utterly refuse to board the goddam Police van and opt to ride in the Security Van parked across the road.

The ride to the police station is eventful. We are laughing and making all manner of silly jokes. The cop sitting at the back of the van with us even joins in the fun. He tries cracking some jokes though and they are as bad as Nkaiserry’s ideas.

We laugh anyway. When you are drunk,you’ll laugh at anything. However bland

The weather is shit. It’s actually rainy and super chilly. But we are less than bothered… The ride to the station is almost over. Aaaaaaaand it’s over!

Yipppeeee.

“Shukeni wawili wawili… Shikaneni mikono wawili wawili! ” some cop orders us. And then keeps repeating the same bullshit over and over as if we’re some little kids at Eastleigh Nursery School.

We shikana mikono as commanded and step down from the van.

”Pangeni laini! Shikaneni mikono halafu mpange laini… ” another command. Pooh.

At the Station reception, we meet a female cop that looks like she badly needs a holiday. And she’s rude AF.

She looks at us like we’re the guys who paid for the Jaguar /Mafikizolo collabo.

”Ingieni hapa! Nyinyi wote! Haraka! ” she barks,giving us a  look that is so nasty,so dreadful you can feel your intestines coil and boil.

We’re them all bundled into a small ka-room. It looks more like a changing room in a cheap,ghetto gym. It’s full of shoes and belts and more shoes and more belts. And rats too. And is that a cat I saw? Either it’s a cat or I’m super drunk.

CONFIRMED : It’s a cat.

We can’t stop talking and laughing and taking selfies and doing all manner of illegal things. Bob actually wants to smoke. And has the nerve to ask Madam Inspector kama ako na kiberiti. Good Lawd.

We stay in the little room for like 70 years before someone bothers talk to us. And the talk is not even good news.

”Pangeni laini mmoja mmoja mkuje mjiandikishe majina! ” the lady cop hisses.

“Na kila mtu atoe mshipi na saa na kiatu moja. Mtoe pia simu na wallet na kama uko na chain utoe… Na mufanye haraka!”

The commands are so many,so fast I can’t keep up. I’m struggling to unbuckle my belt while at the same time digging out my wallet,unstrapping my watch,yanking out my chain and struggling with my left shoe all at the same time. Come on man!

Some dude amongst us is so damn drunk he’s collapsing around the reception like an old bag of watermelons. We try lifting him to his feet and he collapses again. And again. Stupid motherfucker.

”Huyu atupwe ndani mara moja! Weka yeye kwa cell! “

And just like that,the gate to the cell is opened and the drunk as a cat dude is thrown down the corridor. Oh wow.

We laugh.

”Mnacheka nini na hata nyinyi mnaenda ndani?? Hata nyinyi mtalala kwa cell saa hii tu!”

And it quickly happens. After we’ve surrendered our shoes and belts and wallets and watches and souls,we’re ushered to the cell gate. And then it’s opened. And we are all thrown inside. All of us.

The place is stinking as hell. Jeeeezuz Christ! Its like the home of Satan. It was dark and cold and stuffy and eerie. The corridors are old and worn out. The paint on the walls was wearing out and dripping down. The concrete floor was rugged and rough and full of holes and dents. The edges and corners around the cell are filled with dirty water and smelly substance which could be anything from human urine to vomit to saliva to blood.

The stench is overwhelming. And overpowering. We all sobered up immediately as the pungent smell hit us hard,blasting through our nostrils.

There are some five other girls in the same cell we’ve been thrown into. Three are asleep. Two are awake and sitting up at the corner,their knees up to their face,holding themselves tight to shield themselves from the stinging cold.

”Mbona mko huku?? Mlifanyaa?? ” one of our crew asks the girls who look super confused and sick of being here.

” Fight… ” one of the girls says. They don’t even look like they can fight. In fact,I want one of them. The one with messed up make-up,shoddy hair and nice legs.

I sit next to her and snuggle close. She’s welcoming. I try to make her warm. But the cell is stinking as hell.

My crew won’t stop complaining of the smell and the cold and the horrible horrible room we’ve been thrown into. One girl is actually close to tears. No one attempts to sit on that floor. Tom is banging against the walls hard. Our drunk dude,however,is sound asleep. Snoring like a little, overfed hippo.

”I’m Ken. Ken Kabuga… ” I try initiating a conversation with this ka-pretty lightskinned girl sitting next to me.

I can sense her fading perfume around us. She looks around 20 or 22. Has nice cheekbones,narrow eyes,a beautiful smile and delicate hands. I don’t understand how this pretty little thing has been arrested. And how she found her demure self in a fight.

”I’m Lisa… ” she coos.

“Who? Linda? ” I ask.

“Lisa… LISA…. ” she repeats.

I give her this loooong,horny look. I’d eat her so bad. Like a bowl of cereals. I’m already mentally planning on how to eat her. I’m already halfway through a relationship with her.

“Muzna Mohammed! ” the female cop calls out,her head poking through the metal gate.

” Muzna Mohammed ako wapi!??” she asks again,losing patience.

Muzna is too busy complaining about the deplorable state of the cells to hear her name being called out.

But she’s soon alerted.

“Kuna mtu amekuja kukuona hapa… “

It turns out to be Shaniqwa,KTN star of the popular Jameni show.

”Shaniiiiqwaaaaa!!!” Muzna calls out,running out of the cells.

Everyone stands up. We all gather around the gate. I peek through the gate holes to see Shaniqwa at the reception flanked by some six other men and some two ladies.

Everyone is excited. Even my ka-girl is crowding around the gate to catch a glimpse of Shaniqwa.
There’s hope of us leaving the cells finally. We’re all crowding around the metal gate,pushing against each other,everyone happy and excited to see Shaniqwa.

“Muzna! Muzna! ” someone tries to whisper to Muzna who is talking to Shaniqwa at the reception desk.

Muzna doesn’t respond. They’re deep in talk…. They are now writing some stuff down on the Occurrence Book.

Some twenty minutes later,we’re all asked to make a queue again. And leave the cells one by one.

”Finally! ” Bee mutters under her breath.

” Pangeni laini mtoke mmoja mmoja… ” We are ordered. It’s been like two hours of a horrible stench and dirt and cold in the dark cells.

As we walk out,everyone is screaming Shaniqwa. Even the cops are excited to see the KTN television star.

”Huyu ndiye anasemanga nitakumooooda!??” they ask.

We all laugh. Shaniqwa doesn’t talk much. But we are bailed out. All of us! Yeeeaaaayyyy!

”Chukueni viatu zenu na belt… Na mkujie simu na saa zenu hapa… ”  it’s announced.

As I walk out of the cells,I can see my sweet Lisa peeping through the metal gate. Her face cold and sad. Her eyes sullen and sickly. Poor Lisa.

I want to walk over and hug her. Take her number. Kiss her kwa heri. Tell her we should talk once she’s free again.

I wave at her. She attempts to wave back.

“Rudi kwa cell! ” she’s furiously ordered.

Shaniqwa came in a convoy of like four cars.

I can’t stop thinking about Lisa…
But it’s too cold and chilly. And I’m too hungry and tired.

But still…. Lisa….