CAROLINE MUTOKO-From A Monster To An Angel. Evidence That The Radio Queen Has Been Having Some Very Good Sex Lately. Yeeaaaay!

She was once the most feared and respected name on Radio- No,in media. No single voice on radio carried as much clout and terror as hers did. She phenomenally hosted the Big Breakfast on Kiss FM for over a decade,with the show,singlehandedly steered to unimaginable heights by her,getting synonymous with her. She was as ferocious as they came… Brushing many a shoulders the wrong way,blasting errant public servants,calling up and lecturing feared parliamentarians on air,sparring with the tenacious Martha Karua in an epic battle that spilled over to the Courts and drawing the ire of the oft-untamed Nairobi Senator Mike Sonko.

She tackled her topics with the sort of bare-knucklism reserved for a select few; strode like a colossus allover radio,seeming untouchable and unbowed,launching herself into fights normal people would take stay clear off and presenting herself as the Ultimate Media Tigress- Wild,feral,pugnacious.

Her subjects,it is said,were as wary of if her as you would be of a loose black mamba… Her paths were not to be crossed and her edicts would be carried out with the efficiency of the scared little servants who work under the cold-hearted Mother of Fashion,Anna Wintour.

She was the Media’s undisputed Iron Lady,Our female answer to Rush Limbaugh.

For very many years,Caroline Mutoko loathed publicity and often scorned on people referring to her as a Celebrity. She also,I am told,used to have a very big problem with Ghafla writers and general bloggers who would refer to her as a ‘Celebrity’. She loathed any form of media publicity,would get worked up at any blog mention and seemed to brook very patience for anyone who did not just mention her name in vain but also misspelt it as was evidenced by the innocent little girl who would errantly call her ‘Carol’ instead of ‘Caro’ on Facebook thus provoking the Radio Queen’s anger the results of which spawned the greatest hate on the Radio Empress ever witnessed.

A Facebook Page,actually Pages like ‘R. I. P Caroline Mutoko’ even sufficed. Yes,clever trolls even callously twisted her first name to ‘Mtaroline’ and last name to ‘Matako’ and what a blissful day it was on Social Media.

Back then,Caroline Mutoko was everyone’s enemy. She was hard to please,contemptuous,had poor communication skills,was fond of trashing and belittling social media users,had scorn for pretty much everyone and would erupt in epic proportions of anger and indignation at the slightest provocation.

A screenshot from one of the many Anti-Caroline Facebook pages.

She was a rich,aloof fool… Out of touch with the regular Facebook user and with very little patience for the little dumbass bastards who would dare question her,address her,piss her off or challenge her to a duel.

Her Facebook page too,back then,was a dark alley of bitter rants,outbursts,scathing attacks and pure venom.

And then she left radio… Retreating to the complex Radio Africa backwaters,to produce,oversee,mentor,preside…

No longer on radio,no longer able to incite and attack and fight… No longer able to cause social media upheavals,rub people the wrong way,lash out at social misfits and growl at our oft-stupid leaders,Caro felt powerless.

She,it appears,loathed the fact that she couldn’t inspire controversies any more… Get tongues wagging anymore and recruit zealots who would swear by her convolutions.

And that’s how her YouTube channel was born. On it,she started uploading little home videos of herself musing on various national issues,tackling a myriad of subjects,commenting on the week’s hottest topics and offering her insight and verbal commentary on pretty much anything. On YouTube,Caro found a home,an audience,a thirsty band of regurgitated adherents who still swore by her name and who had,for years,deified her.

But with the death of her legendary radio show,and the demise of her ubiquitous voice,so came the birth of a mellower,sweeter and more reasonable Caro.

Away from the pressures of radio,and having to constantly fulfill her audience’s desire for sleaze and combativeness,Caro got born again.

She quickly realized that not all issues were to be settled by violence … She started becoming all of a sudden active on Facebook,started,after much reluctance,a Twitter account littered with love and inspiration,started seeing the World from the eye of the Social Media and started treating the regular Facebook user as a human being and not the rot and garbage she always viewed them as.

She opened her heart and let her ‘fans’ into her soul… Started smiling more in photos – and uploading more photos-and even started a shocking trend of her REPLYING to People’s comments on her Facebook posts.

This new Caro even started uploading viral stuff – funny,silly memes and Trending stupidities – to keep her audience abreast. And hooked.

She stopped blasting the innocent souls who had the chutzpah to inbox her their nonsensities and quit attacking the chaps who would,for fun or otherwise,ask her silly things on her Facebook wall.

She was,all of a sudden,a whole new woman! The anger was gone,the combativeness was gone,the ferociousness was gone,the terror was gone.

Within a very short time,Caro moved from a terrifying Media terrorist to a little punchy cute puppy.

Even when libelously attacked by repugnant bloggers (Like Alai) she smiled,wished them all the best and philosophized them away… With a few smile emojis,virtual champagne and a couple roses.

And then when less successful and epically broke bloggers came at her (Read Nyakundi) she laughed them away,satirized their efforts,hilariously highlighted their financial struggles and even wrote them a check!

Her activities on Facebook,too,mirrored those of an attention-loving teenager… She started posting the type of stuff you saw on your 19-year old cousin’s wall,laughing at the type of stuff you and your struggling gang of fellow barmaids found funny and sharing some very uncharacteristically Caroline stuff.

She morphed from a monster to a cherubim in a matter of months…She suddenly came down from her vaunted Tower…She became human,she became one of us.

It now became harder to draw her ire,harder to get her to join in in your silly fistfights and harder to drag her to your level of combat and explosive showdowns.

She also became a mother… Probably found love-and good sex-and left the World of unbridled bitterness,saltiness,unpleasantness and terrorsome abrasiveness.

The pride was gone. So was the conceitedness,the arrogance,the nasty attitude.

Hello to the New Caroline Mutoko! The new national puppy! So sweet…. I want to eat her. Yum yum.

People,my friends,do change.

Oh,yes,it is confirmed,You can now call her Carol. Do not be afraid. Not anymore.