Cabu Gah Weighs in On The Marriage Bill With A Light Touch

For the second day running, the Marriage Bill debate has been the talk of town. With that forming the topic discussion on Maina & King’ang’i in the Morning, the subject won’t just go away. The latest to add their voice to the raging debate is Cabu Gah.

Here’s what he had to say;

The #Marriage_Bill has elicited some great empowerment among women in Kenya,especially in Nyeri County.

And single women in my favorite town,Othaya,have even drafted their own Dating Laws for the interested men to abide by.

Like this interesting one by a girl named Waitherero.

1. Kama mimi si mrebo,usiniabie ati mimi ni mrebo. Ati dio tu niweze kuigia box. Ama dio carton. Ogea ukweri. Sitakuuma. After all,si wewe uriniumba. So makosa si yako.

2. Ukinipromise utanipereka Zanzibar,tafathari timiza Ahadi. Si ati uniabie tutaeda Zanzibar arafu unipereke Nyahururu. Ama Sagana. Kwani Zanzibar yako inaedagwo na Boda Boda??

3. Mimi ni mwanamke. Nahitaji kukaa vizuri. Na nahitaji kupewo pesa ya kujirebesa. Sio ati kazi tu ni kunipea shirigi hamsini hamsini kira mwezi. Unanipea hamsini nipereke wapi? Kwani ni sadaka??

4. Tukikosana,WEWE DIO UKO KWA MAKOSA. ALWAYS. Na hatutabishana Kijana. Kubari makosa na unyamaze. Na mapenzi yaederee.

5. Kama ni date tafathari nipereke hoteri za guvu. Hoteri ziko na gumo. Nimechoka kuperekwo kwa Mama Waithera. Na nimechoka kutumia vikobe za mabati. Na kukaria viti za bao.

6. Kama mipago yako sio kunioa,tafathari kaa bari na mimi. Usiniretee mushene,ati ‘Oh nakupeda,ati Oh,wewe nitaishi na wewe mirere” arafu uniwashanishe kama lorry imeng’oka muguu kwa barabara. Kichwa yangu inagoga harusi,kama yako haigongi arusi,jipe suguri.

7. Nikiria unafaa unikamate taitly in your arms ukiniabia, “Sorry baibe. It gonna be orait” sio ati mimi naria na wewe uko hapo unanikodorea maitho kama thendema. Mùgúrúki úyú.

8. Simu yagu ni yako. Na simu yako ni yagu. Hakuna cha ati “dont tash my phone” . Actually,kira Wednesday tutakuwo tukibadirishana Sim Card.

9. Abia ma EX wako wote wakae bari na wewe. As far as possible. Kwanza wakiweza wahamie Meru. Kama hawataki kuchomwo kama mahindi. Na uwaabie wasiwahi kukutext. Kitu chochote. Ama wakati wowote. Ati kukuabia Gdnyt. Mimi dio nafaa kudecide the kind of night you will have.

10. Ukioba,lazima uobe kwa sauti. Sio ati ujifiche kwa kakona ati unaoba kimoyomoyo,razima niskie kire unaabia Mungu. Ama rabda unamwabia aniodoe kwa maisha yako.

11. Watu wetu wanakuwanga wenda wazimu. Washana nao.

12. Razima uote na mimi. Every night. Either uote na mimi. Ama uote ukitegeneza pesa. Anythng else ni hatia. Na ukiota na mimi uhakikishe nimevaa vizuri. Sitaki kuaibishwo kwa doto mimi.

13. Sipedi kukiss. I think ni ujinga kumumunya mudomo ya mtu mwingine,kwani ni peremede ya KSL??

14. Sinaga hobby. So,sitaki maswari za ujinga ati “What is your hobby?” . Actually hobby yangu ni moja tu. Kukupenda. Iyo dio hobby yangu.

15. Utanipereka kwenyu rini? Harakisha. Napeda kutebea.

16. We will never break-up. Ukinipeda hauna bahati. Utanipeda mirere. Kama vire Yesu aripeda Kanisa.

17. Sipedi kushikwo mkono in public. Kwani mimi ni mtoto?? Ama wewe ni baba yangu??

18. Energy Drinks nimekataa. Hizo haufai kukunywa…Unataka Energy ya nini??? Ya kuniwacha???
Ama ya kutoroka??

19. Na pia sipedi kudara darwo ovyo ovyo. Unanidara kwani mimi ni Pages za Bible ya Juliani??

20. Sex tutakuwa tunafanya the godly way. Yaani ire styro ya kawaida ya mababu wetu. Sitaki ati uniretee styro zingine hapa za kishetani. Ati “Oh rara ivi,ati Oh weka miguu nyuma ya kishwa…ati Oh twede kwa kiti…” Kwani wewe ni Devil Worshipper??

Anyway,KARIBU KWA ROHO YANGU.

Yours,

Gladys Waitherero.

And that’s Cabu Gah for you.