CABU GAH DIARIES: Unlike Uganda,Or Tanzania,Kenyan Celebrities Worship Politicians. But It Should Be The Other Way Round. Sad.

Showbiz is like politics. Actually,showbiz IS politics… But the politics of the glamorous. The line that demarcates power and showbiz is thin….And more often than not,Celebrities and politicians have,since the inception of both institutions, slept in the same bed.

I had an opportunity to hang out with a Ugandan chap yesterday. And,in between generous servings of some very cold Tusker,he told Me some very interesting things…

One of those things was that,he was astonished to see just how flattered and honored Kenyan artistes seemed to be whenever they had an opportunity to either hang out,interact,meet or make acquaintance with a Kenyan Politician. Or even the President himself,Uhuru Kenyatta.

Case in point; Jaguar. Well,even though we know that Uhuru Kenyatta and Jaguar DO actually enjoy some kind of real sincere camaraderie, it wasn’t lost on him that,of the two,Jaguar is the one who seemed more honored to have had opportunity to hang out and interact with the President more than the President himself.

And even though we all must respect,honor and view the Presidency with some kind of reverence,my Ugandan fellow didn’t understand why we,THE ARTISTES,had to be the Ones honored to call any powerful leader our friend.

“In Uganda….It’s the other way round,My friend …..” he said in that very distinctive Kampala accent,as he swigged his Tusker.

“In Uganda….someone like Chameleone is actually MORE POWERFUL than the Political leaders themselves….” He added.

“Infact,the political leaders in Kampala are MORE honored to meet and make friendship with Chameleone than he is himself….”

“Even the President!?” I wondered.

“Kaguta?? Oh Yes!” He said.

“President Museveni actually loves to show the public and his supporters that people like Chameleone are his friends …..He actually begs these Celebrities to meet him….And when they do,He is more honoured to have met them in person than they are….”

“Really!!?”

“Oh Yes! But here….Here I see it’s different….”

“What do You mean!!?” I asked.

“Well….”,he started, beckoning the waitress to serve us yet another round of Tuskers.

“Well,Here,I see Your celebrities,I think they kind of worship Politicians….”

“Actually,I think You are right!” I said,sitting up.

“I am?? So its true?? You see…I think Kenyan artistes treat these Politicians like some little gods…” He went on.

“A Kenyan artiste, no matter how big or popular, will always seem to be honoured to host a politician at his event…Or to be hosted by a politician at his event,than the Politician himself….”

I could not say a word.

“I don’t know….But I think Your celebrities don’t really have a sense of self-worth….” He added,harshly.

And then I remembered the day when Uhuru Kenyatta was captured on video singing along to “Sura Yako” by Sauti Sol in last Year’s National Celebrations at a public stadium.

Sauti Sol had been performing the song and,at the “Sura Yako Muzuri Mamaaa” part,Uhuru Kenyatta was carried away by the song and ended up nodding his head and singing along

And then the internet almost BROKE!!!

Kenyans on the internet couldn’t believe that Uhuru was actually singing along to Sura Yako!

People praised Uhuru for being “humble” and yet thousands others wondered just how come Uhuru Kenyatta actually knew that song!

Even Sauti Sol themselves were flattered that The President was singing along to their song.

Well,My Ugandan friend,after I narrated that story to him, told me something totally different.

“In Uganda,It’s different. The fact that Museveni knows Your song….Or even Ssekandi is not a big deal at all….They’ve been singing and dancing along to Chameleon’s songs for Years…Or even Bebe Cool…Or Bobi Wine….”

“Who is Ssekandi??” I asked.

‘The Vice-President! Edward Ssekandi….You don’t know him??”
 Ugandan fella wondered.

“It’s NEVER a mark of accomplishment to have the president singing Your song…Actually,sometimes,Ugandan politicians learn Ugandan songs in order to be noticed and maybe find a chance to meet and hang out with the artists! Not the other way round!”

And then I remembered a recent incident in Westlands last Year where Kilifi Governor Amason Kingi was leaving a club. And then he saw Ugandan superstar Chameleone leaving the same club,too.

And,because he thought he is a powerful Governor,and also thought that Chameleone,just like our Kenyan artists,would be more than honored to meet him,sent over his boys,telling them,

“Isn’t that Chameleone?? Go over to him and tell him I want to greet him! Tell him to come and say hi to ME!”

Well,the poor governor was SHOCKED.

“Hi Chameleone,We have been sent by the Governor over there to ask You to GO say hi to him….”

Chameleone almost flipped! He went batshit crazy! He said that it was DISRESPECTFUL for that fellow to call him over to say hi.

“He should be the one to come over and say hi to ME! Not Me to go over there… Who is he in the first place!!?”

“But sir,he is a Governor!” Kingi’s boys answered.

“Nonsense! And I am Chameleone! I don’t cross over to say hi to people! No matter who they are….THEY come over to say hi to ME!”

Kingi was embarrassed. Thoroughly.

And Chameleone jumped into his powerful Range Rover and drove away.

What would happen if some Kenyan artists went to Uganda and was told….

“Hey,the Mayor of Kampala is sitting over there….And he has asked You to go over and say hi to him….”

Well,We all know what would happen next. Mr.Kenyan Celebrity would break his neck struggling to jump over tables to reach the mayor.

Why do our artists WORSHIP politicians?? Or Powerful People!!?

We need to have a sense of pride and self-worth for Christsakes!!

Just like in Tanzania and Rwanda and Nigeria and South Africa,these Political heads should BOW DOWN to Us! Not the other way round!

They should be HONORED to meet Us! We are NOT supposed to be the ones honored to Meet them!

I mean,We are the CELEBRITIES here!! Dammit!!!