CABU GAH DIARIES: These Are The Most Expensive Kenyan Celebrity Baby Photos. Number 9 Totally Deserves It!

In Hollywood,Celebrity Photos are Big Business. Major magazines,including People Magazine,Ok!,US Weekly,Hello and Rolling Stones pay an insane amount of Millions of dollars to score the first exclusive photos of a Newborn celebrity Baby. It should be the case here too.

In the cutthroat industry that is the Western Showbiz industry,Exclusivity is worshiped. And Media honchos will dish out whatever amount of dollars to publish the first ever Celebrity photos.The bigger You are as a Celebrity,the more You fetch for Your exclusive Baby photos…obviously.
And as we speak, the highest earning Celebrity Couple happens to be the Almighty Brad and Angelina Jolie who sold photos of their newborn twins Knox and Vivienne Jolie Pitt to the People Magazine to a tune of $12 Million. That is,12 freaking Million Dollars!!! Or 1.3 Billion Kenya Shillings! Damn!

The second MOST EXPENSIVE Celebrity Couple Baby Photos went to Marc Anthony and The Booty Granny Jennifer Lopez who earned as a much as 6 Million dollars for the publishing of the first ever EXCLUSIVE photos of their twins.And then there is Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey who sold the first photos of their chubby son Levi for $3 Million to Ok! Magazine in 2008. Wow!! That is 258 Million Kenya Shillings!!

Oh and also there is Maximilian David & Emme Maribel Muñiz who sold photos of their kid to People Magazine in March 2008 for  $6,000,000…And Britney Spears and her then-hubby Kevin Ferderline who sold the first ever baby photos of their son Jason for $500,000!

Celebrity Photos ARE BIG BUSINESS. The Bigger Your name,the higher the demand,the heavier the bucks…and the fatter the cheque.
So,in Kenya,suppose the whole Baby photos craze was such a big deal here (Too bad it’s Not) WHOSE photos would rake in THE MOST CASH?? And whose photos would probably pull in the least amount of dollars??

I will analyze them. And,here,its NOT just about how big a brand or star You are,but also how the public judges Your attitude towards family,relationships and children.For instance, George Clooney,Hollywood’s most notorious bachelor, just got married to the beautiful Amal Alamuddin. Believe Me,Clooney’s Baby photos will fetch as much as $20,000,000! Yes,20 Million Dollars! You wait and see….
So,who is OUR George Clooney?? Which Kenyan Celebrity would earn the MOST from the exclusive publishing of their Baby Pics?? 

Let’s take a Tour…

1. MAINA KAGENI
Maina is as averse to relationships as cats are averse to water. No one has ever caught Maina in a relationship. We are not even sure he has ever dated anyone! Maina should be married….And Yet he isn’t. And its not clear whether he is dating. Or when he will ever date.
And so,when such a man ever gets married,this nation will tremble. But not as much as when he will get a kid….Marina’s baby will be NEWS!!! BIG BIG NEWS!!! And to score the first exclusive photos of Maina Kageni’s baby,You would have to fork out Ksh.1,500,000. Yes,One and a half Million Kenya Shillings!

2. BRENDA WAIRIMU AND JULIANI
When the MOST Beautiful Woman on Our TV screens finally gets married to Hip Hop’s most phenomenal Messiah, it will be a legendary match. Made in Heaven and above. The perfect fairytale. And to scoop the first exclusive photos of Juliani and His Bae Brenda’s baby,You would need as much as 1 Million Kenya Shillings. Or,after a fierce media bidding,the figure could rise to 2 Million K$H!! Yea,That much!

3. VERA SIDIKA.
When You are the MOST talked about Woman in East Africa’s Showbiz,You are bound to attract massive massive sums for the first official photos of Your baby. Vera is our Kardashian. And besides Wema Sepetu,No other East African woman excites audiences as much as Vera. And to secure the first ever photos of her new born?? Well,Ksh.1,800,000 is what You would need to start with. The bidding war would be sooo unbelievably high,the sum could rise up to the neighbourhoods of Ksh.3,000,000!!! That’s for Queen Vera’s little one!

4. JANET MBUGUA AND EDDIE NDICHU
Janet is a rather big name in Kenya’s showbiz circles. Her husband is obviously a super awesome man…But not really known by many. Such a combination would hurt the price and demand of her first baby photos….but still,she would attract a considerable amount of interest in her baby pics. So,how much would her exclusive baby pics fetch? Hmmmm,100,000. Or Ksh.200,000. Or 500,000…Or some few thousands higher..

5. JAGUAR
Jaguar is East Africa’s Biggest Name. He is Our Jay Z. Smart,savvy,calculating,cool,business smart,private,suave and tactical. And You will never know who he is dating! Ever! Jaguar is super secretive with his relationships. And therefore,his marriage will hit this country like a thunderstorm. And his first baby pics…well,those would fetch millions upon millions! What am I saying here? Well,You would need as much as 2.5 Million Kenya Shillings to nab Jaguar’s baby’s first ever pics! And because the media bidding would be too frenzied and too high,the figure could rise as high as Ksh.5,000,000! Its Jaguar,duh!?!

6.VICTORIA KIMANI
Known to have cavorted with almost half of Nigeria’s male entertainment industry players,Victoria is surely a showbiz powerhouse. And wouldn’t it be fantastic when such a wild,carefree woman actually gets married? And has a baby?? That would be super huge news…Her pregnancy would drive blogs crazy. And her first baby pics? They would fetch as much as Ksh.500,000. Oh,Or less. Way less. You can never be too sure here….

7. DENNIS ITUMBI
Dennis SHOULD TOTALLY be married by now. Very married. And yet he isn’t. Rumoured to be dating TV stars and some other female bloggers,Dennis never quite satisfies the public’s insatiable desire to know who he is really seeing. He is sneaky. And secretive. His marriage will be monumental. And the price of his first baby pics?? They would cost NOTHING. Because Dennis would splash them across social media even before the baby is 4 minutes old!

8. ROBERT ALAI
Refer to Itumbi’s story above. Same script, different cast. Infact,we’d see Alai’s baby’s first ever photos 6 minutes before the baby is even born!!! Talk of an EXCLUSIVE!!! Haha!

9. NGINA KENYATTA
She’s royalty. She’s Kenya’s Caroline Kennedy….the daughter of JFK and Jackie O. She’s also Kenya’s Princess Kate William of Birmingham Palace. And just like the frenzy that Princess Kate causes with her pregnancies and baby,Ngina would cause the same here. Starting price of the first ever exclusive photos of her baby?? 3 Million. And that figure could stretch to 5 Million. But she wouldn’t be needing that money now,would she??

10. J BLESSING AND CHANTELLE.
Cute couple. Not so powerful though. Their first baby photos would fetch as much-or little as-50,000. Or 30,000 . Heck,Or 20k!

11. RINGTONE
With as little as 5,000 Kenya shillings, You would NOT only purchase the first exclusive photos of Ringtone’s baby ,You would also get a free Anti-MSCK speech and 6 copies of his never-gets-bought album.

12. SMART JOKER
Show up with a new pair of socks and two avocados and You not only have all the baby photos You ever needed,You get to go home with THE BABY too!

 

Meanwhile,African Babies be like…