CABU GAH DIARIES: REVEALED! Here Is How Much Money Kenyan Celebrities Are Planning To Spend This December Holidays. Pastor Kanyari’s Spending Plans Are Super Crazy. But Mike Sonko Is Still Tha Bo$$.

 

December is here. And a Kenyan December is a turnt up December…complete with endless days of ceaseless debauchery,drunkenness,hedonism,food,road trips,prodigality,orgies and random parties…And Kenyan celebrities are the Number One ambassadors of the madness…And madness demands MONEY. Real Money. As You shall see here.

Kenyans are a crazy lot…Who love to party and party reeeeaaaallll hard! We,by the way,are the leading Country as far as Alcohol consumption is concerned in the whole of East Africa! Whoa! We do crazy shit! Super crazy shit!

What are Your Christmas plans?? If any?? Well,as You haggle and baggle over what thou shall wear,what thou shall drink,whence thou shall go and who thou shalt ‘chips funga’,a section of Kenyan Celebrities have already made up their minds on what is lined up for them in the coming days. Its December,duh? The fanatical month where extravagance go hand in hand with depravity.

People party like its 1969! Booze,women,cars and music is the order of the day…eer,month.

And as You try and gather Your salary in a bid to blow it silly at Your favorite ka-bar in the village,this is what some of Your favorite Stars have planned to splash…And its real money…Cold,hard Money.

Mike Sonko’s plans are not a surprise. At all. I mean,He is the King Of Licentiousness. Shaffie Weru comes close,too.

Here is a list of the Biggest Spenders…People who will be spending real money over the next 30 days. This is a total compilation of the total amount of money these celebrities-and a couple politicians-are planning to spend for the whole period of December holidays.

The money will be spread across booze,women,parties,family,food,meat,church and friends.

Here…Come with Me.

 

1.Mike Sonko

Approximately Ksh. 10 Million

Expenses…..

Beer—- Ksh. 245,786

Road Trips—–Ksh. 103,098

Showoff—-Ksh. 345,990

More Beer—–Ksh.356,890

Poor Nairobi Women——155,789

His Local Church——-100,999

More Beer—-Ksh.245,670

Goats—–Ksh.46,000

Cows—–Ksh.145,000

Cigars—-Ksh.78,900

Phone Credit—–Ksh.36,768

Data Bundles—-Ksh.15,000

Hotel Rooms——-Ksh. 886,900

Friends and Family—–Ksh.465,900

More Beer—-45,890

2.Bahati

Approximately Ksh.125,490

Expenses…

Charity Homes—-35,000

Tithe—-12,000

Sadaka—–3,000

Soda—-2,500

Kuku—-3,750

Mbuzi—-13,500

More Charity Homes—-18,900

Hotel rooms—–11,790

Family and Friends—-Ksh.27,800

3. Caroline Mutoko

Approximately …Ksh.200,000

Expenses….

Church—–23,000

Goats and Kuku—-21,000

Wines—-34,600

Champagne—-45,000

Christmas Tree—7,000

Charitable Activities—27,000

Flowers—4,000

New Dress—7,800

Parties and Hanging Out—Queen Carol NEVER parties. Or goes out.

Friends and Family—16,000

4. Shaffie Weru

Approximately….Ksh.700,500

Expenses…..

Alcohol—-46,700

Women—26,780

Wine—–36,867

Champagne—–75,564

More Alcohol—-48,300

More Women—-23,589

Nyama Choma—-17,699

More Alcohol—36,700

More Nyama Choma—23,567

His Boys—-36,200

General Parties—250,000

More Alcohol?? Ofcourse Yes!—-87,600

5. Vera Sidika

Approximately……Ksh.600,580

Expenses….

New Dress—-13,000

New Shoes—-24,780

New Hair—-109,800

New Attitude—-Wait,What??

Manicure—7,900

Pedicure—-3,600

Wine—-46,700

Champagne—-65,600

Credit—3,450

Data Bundles—-2,680

Mbuzi na Kuku—-25,690

Hotel Rooms—-205,000

Fuel—-90,500

6. Jaguar

Approximately….Ksh.14 Million

Expenses…..

Philanthropy—-280,000

Alcohol—-200,600

Beautiful Women—390,000

More Philanthropy—-180,000

A random music video that no one will watch—-800,900

New Range Rover—-4.5 Million

New Shoes—-45,000

New Clothes—86,980

New House—8.9 Million

New Song—-32,000

Parties—-270,000

More philanthropy—-278,900

Random poor guy in the street—-18,000

Random sick celeb in hospital—-190,800

Another New House—-Hahahaha

7.Vanessa Chettle

Approximately…Ksh.270,780

Expenses…

Everything….From clothes to booze to parties to shoes to Shisha to more clothes,more booze,more shoes,more parties and more Shisha will be catered for by the Association Of Nairobi’s Bar and Restaurant Owners. Kazi ya Vanessa ni kutumia tu na kuenda nyumbani. Ama kwenda kwao.

8.Smart Joker

Approximately….Ksh.30,000

Expenses….

Chang’aa—-140

Women—-0

More Chang’aa—-250

More Women—-0

Shoes—-1800

Chicken—-20,000

Ugali—-7,000

Eno—-1500

Church—30

Yellow Socks—60

Credit—Okoa Jahazi

9. Uhuru Kenyatta

Approximately….Ksh.10.1 Million

Expenses…..

Booze—-1.5 Million

Abu Dhabi—-1.3 Million

Nyama Choma—800,000

More Booze—950,900

Church—1.2 Million

Selfies——78,980

Random voters—-400,900

More Booze—580,800

Abu Dhabi (Part 2)—1.1 Million

P.R stunts—-380,700

Anti-Bensouda Parties—-340,900

His Boys—-980,960

Friends and Family—700,690

Weed—Hahahaha

10. Pastor Kanyari

Approximately…Ksh.5.2 Million

Expenses...

Upuzi—-90,000

Kukula Pesa Ya Wenyewe—150,000

Paying his 15 “actors” for the December Month—-3,000

More upuzi—46,000

Kuku na Mbuzi na Pesa Ya Wenyewe—15,670

Military Suit—-24,900

Buying Witnesses—-31,000

Intimidating Witnesses—-42,340

New Range Rover—-4.2 Million

Bribing The Media—-78,600

Avoiding the Police—-36,000

Coaching New Recruits—28,900

Betty Bayo new dress–450

Betty Bayo salon—140

Betty Bayo Shoe—-50

 Upuzi ya Mwisho—21,980

 

Wait….Where did I get this list from?? Even I have no idea…But Hey,Doesn’t it seem kinda true?? Most Definitely!

Ummm,Don’t take this list too seriously tho…Y’ know why?? Cuz I guess I am too darn high!

Have a Fabulous Week Ninjas!