CABU GAH DIARIES: After I Did The List Of Kenya’s A-LIst Celebrities,Here Now Is A List Of Kenya’s B-List Celebrities.

 

Yesterday I did a list of Kenya’s A-List Celebs…..And by that,I mean,a list of the creme de la creme of Kenya’s Entertainment scene. And while Kenyan DJs do command quite a commendable amount of respect and mullah,somehow,they couldn’t make the cut. Because, unlike traditional entertainers, DJs reinforce the entertainment. Not create entertainment.

Moving on swiftly,today,I will attempt to,very fairly and impartially,release the list of Kenya’s B-List Celebs. B-list Celebrities are celebrities who earn good cash but not thaaaaat good….Celebs who command respect in the public but not thaaaat much respect,Celebs who are popular but not thaaaaat popular,Celebs who have a fan base but not thaaaat huge a fan base.

Basically,just B-rated Celebs….Who,compared to their A-List stars,tend to fall short on almost all departments. But,still,they’re good. Still,they’re popular, still they make mullah…still, they do command a decent fan base.

Actually,most B-list Celebrities are former A-list celebrities but,somehow, they fell from grace….they lost the touch,lost the mojo,lost the plot and lost the flair. And in this very unforgiving industry, were relegated to the B-list real fast.

Aaaaaand without further ado,here are the Kenyan Celebs who exist in Category B….And they seriously need to pull up their socks….

1.Avril….

Avril actually is a former A-lister. She’s been an A-list celeb for a minute now….Until recently when she bounced off the shelves. And ended up sitting very pretty,prettier than her forehead,in the B-list. And sadly,she seems to relish it. She had some mojo…But,methinks she lost it. She used to be sexy…And sultry…Well,I don’t know whether I can still say that today. Naaah. Plus those songs,NO WAY! The A-list needs better music. However,she’s a very strong B-lister tho…

2.Sanaipei Tande…

This one actually belongs in the C-list. Very deep in the C-list. Her only saving grace is that very very very sexy jam she did last Year “Mfalme Wa Mapenzi”. And that very very very come-hither music video she followed it up with. Plus she still has a radio job. No?? Well,B-list is not sooo bad for this former Coca Cola Queen.

3.Amani

Amani Amani Amani,another A-lister who bounced off the stairs…But really,she had to bounce. Just had to. She wouldn’t stay in the A-list. Not with those songs. And hairstyles. And very boring lifestyle. And 2 Awards per 10 years. Still,she’s a strong B-lister. Kinda strong…

4. Kristoff….

I serioiusly don’t know what to say regarding this fellow. Don’t know. If he works harder,he may end up in the A-list. But as for now,he’s warming the B-list bench real good. And the bench may get even warmer…If he keeps rapping like that.

5.Anto Neo Soul

He’s got a real sultry voice…And some really dope composition skills. He’s an actual musician,actually. Better than 50% of these things singing to us daily. But still,dude’s a B-list. He may be dope in the studio,dope on the stage but hasn’t yet figured out how to be sooooo freakin’ dope,he just have to be A-list dope. But as long as he pays his dues….Well….

6. Huddah Monroe

Doesn’t matter who owns that Range Rover. Girl has come a long way….From her days of real struggle in some real shady high schools,to Twitter infamy,to Big Brother ignominy to little silly scandals and dating anything and everything,this girl may never appear in the A-list. Sad Fact.

7.Sarah Hassan…

Former Tahidi High luvvie turned TV host,Sarah is not doing so badly. Her Tahidi High fellowship,however,seems to be a permanent hindrance to her really ebbing forward and shrugging off that teenage actress tag that seems to endlessly stalk her transition to more serious roles in entertainment. To many,she’s still that Tahidi High ka-girl. Many actually still call her Tanya. Bad News. She’s In the B-list to stay.

8.Sheila Mwanyigha.

The only reason I didn’t throw her into the C-list is because,ummm,well,I have no idea. Girl was popping way back. But refusing to age relegated her to the B-list. You cannot be 24 Years for the last 30 Years and still remain in the A-list. God is not that cruel.

9. DNA

Dspite the fact that he says absolutely NOTHING in those tu-songs of his, despite the fact that he has the writing skill of 2 post-baby class boys,despite the fact that he never seems to outgrow that Banjuka monolith and despite the fact that he’s now nowhere in the public radar,well,he’s till kinda there. Somehow there…B-list is actually very good for him.

10.Juliani

He came I with a bang. Stayed in the A-list for quite sometime….And then,NGO-related duties sucked him up,activism gobbled him up and the desire to replicate Wangari Maathai totally consumed him. Not that that is a bad thing…Only that,in his quest to save the World and succeed Ban Ki-Moon as the next UN Sec. General,Juliani forgot to entertain anymore. Or be the burning spear he started out as. But still,keep saving the World bro. One B-list at a time.

11.Mejja

Yes,I know,I know,He’s making serious hit songs every 3 minutes. And Yes,I know,he’s somehow conquered the dancefloor. Totally. With that crew,Kansoul. But still,Mejja,unlike his compatriot,Jimwat,is atleast doing good for himself. And is sitting pretty in the B-list. Just needs to work harder. Not that he’s ever been in the A-list,anyway.

12. Vivian

Vivian is my friend. I actually really like this girl. But still,girl is stuck in the B-list. Jaguar should have dragged her to the A-list. Lakini she left her to be devoured by the Beast,Bobbi Mapesa. Bad move. She seriously needs to overhaul her whole image. And whole art. Seriosuly.

13.Abbas Kubaff.

HE’S THE BEST KENYAN RAPPER EVER. I keep saying that. B-list is not soo bad for him. Not so bad…..

14. Teacher Wanjiku

Huyu hata sijui niseme nini…..

15.Ringtone

Not exactly the best Gospel artiste ever,Ringtone has actually NEVER been in the A-list. Never! He has too many issues to fit in the A-list. But Hey,Brother is making mullah…From whichever sources. Plus Brother reportedly lives in Runda. Well,for a ‘musician’ who sings as shoddily as he does,B-list is more than enough. But he’s so close to the C-list. So close.

16.Jay A

Don’t like the fellow. His music? Unbearable. I mean,He’s our Iggy Azalea. And that’s NOT a compliment. Wacha tu niwachie hapo.

17.Prezzo

This guy was the A-lister of all A-listers! He was! For many Years! But then the money stopped flowing,the music stopped thumping and the charisma pretty much died. He almost survived absolute extinction from that BBA boost…But,oops,he fell again. As usual. Poor kid. I Love him tho…I really do!

18.Victoria Kimani..

She actually belongs in the A-list. I just made a mistake. Poleni sana.

19.Willy Paul…

He could very comfortably fit in the A-list. But not with that ego. Or recklessness. Or daily scandals. Or absolute lack of tact. But still,this boy’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery talented. Very very. If only he can stop being such a douchebag.

20.Jimmy Gait…

Nothing to add here. Nothing.

Well,that’s Cabu Gah’s list of Kenya’s B-list Celebrities. It’s not an exhaustive list though. I could only manage 20.

And,as usual,I could be wrong. And I appreciate that. But still,its MY list. You’re free to add Your own preferences though….Or add whoever You think I forgot.

COMING UP NEXT….

KENYA’S C-LIST CELEBRITIES.