The Adhiambo Factor. After We Did The One On KIKUYUS Yesterday,Now Here Are 7 Things That LUO Women Do That Make A Man Want To Marry Them. For Life.
The piece we did on Kikuyu Women yesterday didn’t go down very well with most Kikuyu ladies. But we didn’t expect it to. And for that,we are grateful. I speak it like I see it. And call it as it should be called. Because,reality.
And no,we are not done analyzing why men are attracted to particular women and what makes them stay. Or want to marry them. The outstanding thing that makes men stick to the Kikuyu woman,as I said yesterday,was her manipulativeness. And her ability to wring the man’s arm and hijack the relationship,unbeknownst to the poor chap.
Luo woman also make tremendous wives. And it’s almost equally hard to walk away from a fine Jaluo Mama. They don’t try too hard,they’re just who they are. They have some sort of energy they bring with them,to the relationship,that sparks it all up and makes them all the more wifely.
Sure,you may not have seen them in some of the huge Celebrity weddings we’ve been inundated with of late,but they’re wedding still. And no,their weddings are not some little,small-time backstage affair. With some crackly,3-tier cake and a bland reception that resembles a shambolic high school get-together. No.
These ones go huge. Like,HUGE. Nothing is left to chance at a fine Jaluo wedding. She’ll pull all stops and ensure that it’s a wedding that puts to shame the last 67 weddings in the village. Pompousness at its finest.
No one personifies the essence of fabulousness like the good old Jaluo girl. Trust her to transform a simple wedding into an all-white P Diddy party in Uptown Las Vegas. Cue,Akothee.
And now,what makes the LUO girl marriageable?? What attracts men to her? To the point of keeping her and living with her? For better or for worse? And in most cases,worse?
Here… Let’s take a ride.
1. Her Attitude
No one brings a finer attitude to the table like this Mama. She doesn’t act like she needs you. Even though she terribly and desperately does. She’s her own woman. Grown ass and very fiercely independent. She’ll be head over heels for you but she won’t show you. And if she does,brother,you will like it. Nothing makes a man want to stay with a woman even more than being made he’s not needed. Women have used this trick for thousands of years. And it always works. Act like you don’t need him and you’ll never lose him. Be allover his ass and he’ll be gone faster than you can say#NoCaseToAnswer. She’s the Luo Mama. In love,but not desperate. Take me or leave me,seems to be her mantra. She’ll be just fine. Without your cheap ass.
2. The Sex
F*ck the Kikuyu woman and her trifling ass. Her bedroom game is worse than a Wetangula rally at his hometown. She just doesn’t get it. And may never get it. Luo mamas on the other hand serve you something you haven’t eaten before. She’ll bend that body so hard,spread those thighs so wide,arch that back so proper, lift up that derriere so nice, you will be swimming in unlimited sexual ecstacy. She can give it you you. Just the way you like it. And girl got tricks. Fine ass tricks in the shack. Want some overwhelmingly good time in between the sheets? Come for the Luo girls. Bro,you’ll leave the bedroom walking like Charlie Sheen after one of his many legendary trysts with the Californian porn Queens. It’s the kind of sex you want to keep. For a long ass time.
3. Kitchen Skills
Here we go again. Taking a huge dig at the poor Kikuyu girl. The best thing a Kikuyu girl can cook is probably nothing. She can’t figure out what to put when. What to mix with what. And when to use potatoes or not. Heck,she’ll flood every meal with some soup. Thank God Pizza is not an inherently Central Kenya meal. Enough with the shade. Back to the Luo girl. Have you eaten her food? No? Why? Who are you? Damn you! Go try this girl’s food. Today! And you’ll experience a rare culinary baptism. Luo girls can cook themselves to death. Food so sweet,so tasty, so scrumptious,you may need to orgasm. To her,cooking is an art. A duty. Not some boring occupation she has to be dragged to because the man is hungry. Try her shit. She’ll blow your mind off. And blow that D later in the bedroom. Full package.
4. Fiercely Protective Of Her Man
The thing about this woman is,when she notices that there’s some other little girl coming for her man,she doesn’t start a fight with the man. But with the little girl. And by fight I don’t mean like a little argument via WhatsApp. And a few angry emojis. No. I mean,FIGHT. Like,a full-on, nasty, thorough fight. She’ll show up on the door of the alleged side bitch. Knock it like a team from the Reece Squad. Fiercely force her way in and proceed to give the poor side bitch the beat down of her life. Luo girls don’t cry over no side bitch stealing her man. She traces your hood,calls up her gang of feral hoes and shows up at your door. Half an hour later, you will be in need of urgent medication. And there’ll be a video of your beating up circulating via WhatsApp. And that’s how she keeps her man. By defending her goddamm self.
(CONTINUED…)
5. She’s The Master Of The Pay Back
Incase she beats that side bitch up but the guy still keeps seeing her,and nothing seems to have changed,the Luo girl will go for option two; Cheat on your ass too. Kwani iko nini! Unlike the Kikuyu girl,she won’t stab you sixty six times. Or throw you off a balcony. She has better stuff to throw anyway. Like her old Samsung s5. What does she do? She gets herself a fine ass dude too. And cheats on your cheating ass as a payback. Good and proper. If there’s a thing that men dread,is to have their woman cheat back at them. Because they cheated first. That totally kills a man. And sets him back to the path of righteousness within thirteen seconds. He’ll be back to her in no time. And he will not be letting her go that fast. He doesn’t want to look like he lost her to the other dude she cheated with as payback. So f*ckin’ confusing man.
6. She’s Just Wifely In Nature
The Luo girl is generally wifely from all angles. She’s polite, obedient, respectful and more than ready to be tamed and made a wife. Unlike other women,she seems to have some serious respect for her man. And seems to be ready to be number two. Ready to play the part. And ready to submit to his authority. She doesn’t question much,doesn’t strive to be at par with the man that much and learns her place pretty fast. All men love such a woman. From day one,the Luo girl is already ready to be your wife. And to do all those little wifely things. Bila maswali mingi. Until you mess up. And screw her up. And then you’re in for another dramatic episode of Love and Hip Hop Kisumu.
7. She’s A Ride or Die B*tch.
A ride or die woman is the sort of woman who sticks to her man through it all. Through the worst and the best. Through the thick and the thin. When he’s balling or not. When he’s got a million dollars and when he’s swimming in debt. The Luo girl does have that sort of thing in her. To some extent,she’s dangerously ride or die. She’ll stay put. And brave the sh*t with you. However much it is. Heck,she’ll even help you rob a bank or two. Or run away from town. These are things she will easily do. You just need to make her believe you’re both in it for the long haul. And she’ll be your partner in crime. Coz when shit goes down,the Luo woman can stand up to you like a man. Even better than your boys. She’s from the Lake,remember. She’s seen enough horrors.
Can we all have a nice day now? With the preferred women of your choice right next to us? I hope.
