From Will Paul To Sauti Sol, Octopizzo To Madowo…Here Is The Car Model Ten Of The Biggest Kenyan Celebrities Best Match
Celebrities are brands on their own and their success in whatever field depends very much on their own image packaging. You will be surprised how much of they are alike with certain brands of cars. Take a look and see if you agree.
Willy Paul Msafi- Toyota Celica
Easily one of the most storied cars around yet comes with the pretentious tag. A Toyota Celica is extravagantly stylish to get you the attention but not enough to land a place among classic designs. It is always seeking a place at the table of the grizzly cars like Nissan GTRs but lacks even the consistency and history of a Subaru. However, if you are a narcissist and you need a sudden rush of adrenaline at quick hit, get a Toyota Celica or better still, Willy Paul. Like a Celica he is obsessed with looking cool he forgets the fundamentals. He wants his 1.8 engine to compete with, match and beat V8s and thus often becomes the center of attention for the flimsiest of reasons.
Octopizzo –Rolls Royce
Tanzania’s big shot Diamond Platinumz in one of his social media accounts describes himself as the Rolls Royce. Around the Kenyan scene, you look around for an artist who can lay claim to such a boast and truly have a justifiable case and only one name checks all the ticks or comes close to doing so. While Kenyan celebrities are all boastful and chest thumpers, few dare make big boasts and lesser still try to achieve them. Locally you would need someone with a big ego and matching quality work, lifestyle swag and presence and be quite a distance from those claiming to be his peers. I guess, ironical as it sounds, only the guy from Kibera, Octopizzo has a case and in his view he would sure tell you he long proved that he is a Rolls Royce artist. Whether it is the money, the lifestyle the look, the dominating of his field, the exclusivity, obsession with logos and the ego the size of a v12 engine, Octopizzo has it. On the downside, with the exclusivity he has lost street credibility and he no longer rules the streets or the battle scene and ends.
Larry Madowo – Mitsubishi Evolution 10
You cannot ignore a Mitsubishi Evolution 10 and at times you can really find it difficult to place it where it rightly belongs. It is fast yet not rugged enough to drive at its full capability on the rough roads yet it is not that smooth to fit in an executive motorcade. You can walk with a tattered Subaru and still look ‘cool and macho’ try that with an Evo ten and you end up with just another jalopy. That is more like it with Larry Madowo, and I refer exclusively to the version that has been on for the past 3-4 years. For a person as gifted as him he just lacks a niche you truly can say he is a first among equals. Larry goes from trying to be King to trying to be Fred Omondi. Rudyard Kipling did say “If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,” however, Madowo hosts Huddah and still wants to land Obama…. You then understand why evolution took millions of years.
Abbas Kubaff – Land rover defender
The Land Rover Defender, as iconic a car as any you will ever get went out of production. It is now a trophy car, a vintage you hold to remind future generations of a time when 4x4s were built for the off road and were as real as they came. This is the fate of Kenya’s most enduring and consistent hip-hop artist Abbas Kubbaff. By his lyrics he should have been an underground artist yet he dominated mainstream and hardly sold out. I know this reads like an obituary and indeed it is one. An obituary of his musical career. Really you don’t want to hear Abbas on a Pacho or BYK or Grandpa beat at this moment. It is like seeing a couple of teenagers playing some EDM in a Defender at some pool party….very out of place and wasted.
Timmy Dat- Probox
I am not a fan of Timmy or his music. In fact, the first time I heard of him I dismissed him immediately. However, after days of hearing his songs loud and blaring in just about every matatu I was in and shop, I was bullied into submission. Mr Timme, we may not be Welle Welle with it, but here at Ghafla Tumekubali. There is only one car in Kenya that was met with such apprehension and bile, but went on to be quite a best seller and an ever present sight on any road, village and hood, the Probox. To some it is a workhorse, to others a family car, the unofficial police car, a taxi and still several others it is a nuisance. Whatever you think of it you just have to live, and experience it, it actually becomes enjoyable. The only thing you are worried about is the longevity.
Jeff Koinange – Mercedes Benz SL 65 AMG Black Class
Generally, any Mercedes even their worst versions ooze class just because of the name. It is as close a symbol of self actualization you would find as any… a symbol of arriving and the only way you are going to change is by exploring your fetishes. So I would have picked any Mercedes to illustrate Jeff Koinange but that would be to overlook certain factors about him. Jeff is a details fellow, very concerned with minute aspects like how the Oh and Uh come out, the position of the hand, the coil of his hair the crispness of the suit and stuff along that flow. After all he has already proven and set the standards and at 48 had his biography out when still very much in public life right now he is just enjoying and showcasing the Jeff Koinange mastery. Forget the guests they are just props and that is what the Mercedes Benz SL 65 AMG Black Class is about. It is about the adornments and extras even in the name and ultimately, it is about not going quite into the night but turning on the style and fire and being the star of your own show.
Prezzo – Volkswagen Golf
A car that came with so much promise turned all the eyes and created quite a stir but has stagnated and faces quite a receding popularity except of course with the young and hot blooded lasses. They attracted to it for the thrill of its past reputation when it held the crown for a classy thrill. The VW Golf just had the unfortunate luck of being in a fast changing industry and when other players adjusted and new competing models were introduced it was left relying on reputation and loyal fans, after all it has little room for improvement. You only need to replace the car name with Prezzo for a quite accurate description of his career.
Sauti sol – Peugeot
When you think of the Peugeot brand, legendary models come into mind, like the 206, the 504, 307 and the 406. At one point manufacturers became quiet adept at marketing and saw an up surge of their sales regardless of the model and then, it never became a matter of iconic model after iconic model, but rather selling out and sales. So much has this change been that even some of their best models were outsold by models which are not really bad but just neither here nor there and started having funny names like Peugeot Bipper Tipper. The Sauti Sol brand has become a marketing mammoth with such a successful model, that the average Shake Your Bum Bum has better numbers than the classic Still the One yet they are in the same album. In Live and Die In Afrika, Kuliko Jana, Sura Yako, Isabella, Still The One and to some extent Nerea, will be the songs to remind you of the Bands musical prowess, the rest are a testament of their marketing team effort.
Khaligraph – Subaru WRX
The one car you will confidently take to a street race, go out for a wild party in, take on the police in and be sure to come out tops and be sure it can take as much beatings as possible. However, it is the one car you will never see on a wedding retinue, or see your dad in when coming for a parents day. The Subaru WRX is edgy, all macho, noise and speed. That is more or less what Khaligraph is about at least going by his music and image. Whatever your opinion about him, you will place your money on him if ever there is a continental hip hop battle and be sure he will do you proud. He has the image and spitting rage of a WRX in full throttle. Even on a soulful song like the Ojuelegba Refix he still has to name drop, remind you of the ghetto. His best flow is when he is in full speed, he could be spitting shit and you will nod with him. Thing I at one point you have to move up, leave the WRX for something that signifies growth because the WRX does not know to be something else…
Alai – Any Break Down service Vehicle
Depending on who you are and where you stand the sight of an Alai rant is either a relief like a breakdown coming to pull your stuck vehicle or a disgusting dread like a Kanjo breakdown coming to tow you away. When a breakdown is doing neither of the above two it is just a nuisance on the road and deep down you know the driver is some Kanjo guy looking for someone to clamp or tow away.