The KCSE Results are out..And this is the MEAN GRADE your favorite Kenyan female rappers scored

A section of the Kenyan female rappers have been going at it for the last two weeks or so after one of the players in the arena dropped what can be officially classified as the first ever diss track from a female rapper in Kenya.
From her gritty days of after which she was snapped up by Rabbit (Kaka Sungura) and put under his spell, ummm, tutelage, Femi One has been dropping jam after jam. But we can’t really call them hits, to be honest.
Under the expansive Rabbit conglomerate ,the girl has been going hard and dropping bars. Going neck to neck with her co-signees and even doing collabos with her label mates.
Beyond her sporadic studio releases, nothing much has been happening in the Femi One forte.
And the just when we thought things were all good and all cool in the Rap land , Femi One came back to knock  everyone else off their throne with a hard-hitting diss track titled that seemed to take swipes at pretty much every female rapper in the Industry – while very cleverly leaving out former collaborator Wangechi from her torrent of rage.
It’s not clear why Wangechi wasn’t a target of Femi One’s ire. It could be maybe because both have worked under King Kaka and  featured prominently  in his epic remix. Or the fact that Femi doesn’t really want to rope in someone of Wangechi’s superb rap skills in her games. Or maybe simply because both are good friends who have been cordial, amiable and nice to each other and hence, no need for musical antagonism.
Still, Femi one took hard swipes at  the rest of the  female gang with her hardest blows reserved for poor Njeri and Noti Flow who she dismissed as financially poor and unremunerated. Kush Tracey was done with in one simple, shade-filled sentence and Njeri was the dominant topic of the whole song as Femi kept it going harder and harder . At some point, it felt like the girl would burst out from the video and throw actual punches.
I’d never seen a rapper that mad. That incensed. That full of rage and anger. Femi was boiling and bursting. Growling and gnarling. Barking and biting. Spitting and spoiling for a row.
 
Njeri hasn’t responded to the whole diss track yet…And Noti Flow has already sort of subliminally traded bars and made some sort of Instagram responses which keep coming to this minute.
No rapper has responded on wax yet even though Femi One dared them to reply.
Scared? Or just don’t care?
Anyway, the exams are over. Conducted by Ghafla Kenya and invigilated by King Cabu Gah who has actually met almost all of these rappers at some point in their lives.
I have the results of who is the best performer in this Female Rap  industry. And who scores the least marks.
The marks have been gathered from all aspects and facets of entertainment – From the rap skills to the image to the flow to the consistency to the hits to the  image and down to the overall packaging of the artiste.
 
And now, ladies and gentlemen, here are the KSCE RESULTS of our Female rappers. Beef aside… let’s get a little academic now.
No one does it like this girl from Maragua. You know it, I know it. We know it. She easily takes the top slot. STL has been doing it for over a decade now. And since the good old days of Kantai, the girl has never quite slowed down. Whether in Kenya or in Norway, her other Country, STL has kept the fire burning and amassed a huge fanbase all across Africa and even in Europe. Girl was even the official representative of Norway in the Eurovision contest and came so close to winning. Dude, that’s how we got the dance hit
 Of late, she’s lost the fire and mad lyrical prowess she started with. And she’s been doing collabos with rappers we can seriously consider total losers. Plus that Kikuyu vibe? Just drop it, girl! Makes you look ugly. And sound stupid.
 
Noti Flow performs second best in these rap exams. And here’s why…Her image has been the best for the longest time amongst all these rappers. She’s not only the MOST followed of all of them across Instagram and all social media but also the most visible, active, controversial and prolific.
Noti Flow also has a current TV show that has been keeping her at the top of her game while she still releases new materials and makes new fans along the way. She also has a strong social media army that has stuck by her and remained by her side all this time. And it only gets stronger and stronger. Noti Flow also is a men magnate…She’s gorgeous, has an amazing body, can sure drive guys crazy , has wonderful fashion senses, does very sweet photo shoots and has remained a talking point for the longest time. Also, shes’s not afraid of picking fights and shes’ a serial go-getter who will stop at nothing to advance her career. She’s as bad as Nicki Minaj…Without the butt and the silicones.
The girl still can’t fuckin rap! Damn! There’s a difference between squeaking your way around the studio and actually rapping. If only she could spit real bars…Like a real rapper.
 
Wangechi is the third best performer in the class. Everyone , including your grandmother who sells potatoes in  Kariokor, knows that Wangechi is the BEST female rapper in Kenya. Girl got bars. She can out-rap most of these male rappers as well. Her flow is sick as hell and she’s so cool, so fine, so fresh and so bad at her game, she’s our Lauryn Hill. Pure class, elegance and perfection. Plus, OMG, she’s soooo damn beautiful. Also, she’s not trashy or loud or unnecessarily controversial. The kinda rapper you wanna take home to meet your Mum. And let me repeat, Wangechi is a beast in the studio. One of the best rappers in East Africa. Male and Female combined.
She’s boring. She does dull old-school stuff. She’s inconsistent. Doesn’t inspire excitement. Lacks charisma and is aloof. Not very popular and not very aggressive.
 
The exam was a little tough on the First Lady of Rap. But as you know, even the legends of the game can lag behind. Ask Conjestina Achieng. Now now, the main reason Nazizi does poorly is because she kinda fell off. She was once one of the best in the game. In fact, the best. Until she fell off and joined the reggae genre. And then things went REAL south after that. Her Necessary Noize days were pure glory. She’s still the First Lady anyway and still the girl who taught all of these girls how to wrap their napkins and hold a damn mic. Still, she’s bad ass as she can be. Has a flow is tighter than the Health Scandal secrets. And can spit real fire at ya’ll maafakas. Her dreadlocks too add onto her fire image. And most of her earlier jams are absolute classics. Pure legend.
 She  joined the reggae bandwagon. And started sounding like any other wannabe from an Ethiopian street corner. None of all of those dance hall things she’s  been doing make any sense. And no girl, you ain’t no Rita Marley. Or Queen Ifrica. Or . Just drop the act.
 
Yes, she’s  the reason we are even here in the first place. She stirred the hornet’s nest. She opened the floodgates of war. She blew up the Internet with her diss track that savagely took shots at all her competitors. But still, she doesn’t get the highest marks. Even the class prefect can flunk in the test time after time. Femi is prolific. She raps hard and goes hard. Femi don’t play. She’s been getting better an better with time. She’s signed to an active label and drops song after song every month. Her wordplay is sick as hell. And her punch lines are pure inferno. She’s a master lyricist . And she can spit it out like you never heard it before. Don’t come for this girl. She’s a beast. In the booth and in the streets.
Her flow is weak as f**k. She’s starting to sound so much like her mentor Rabbit. She’s got this hard persona that scares off people. Her shit too laid-back. And I think she tries too hard and puts very little effort in her releases…Which she keeps dropping like shapeless Pancakes at a messy family gathering in Juja.
 
Rapping in Kikuyu was never meant to  take you too far. You still get to fail the exam, girl. A D+ is one sorry grade, man. But that’s what you get when you decide to mix up your comic skills with rap. But she’s still sorta sweet and fine though. Plus, man, isn’t she so freaking gorgeous? Oh wow! Girl can slay. She’s also worked with STL by the way. In a song we all forgot super quick.
She doesn’t seem to take herself very seriously. Her flow and overall rap skill is weak as hell. And she keeps sounding like she needs a dick in her life. Not one to take seriously.
 
She’s the girl we all know as Timmy Dat’s ex- flame. Nothing else. Oh, also the girl who gave you Hehe.  Ummm, what else…Let me see…errrr, nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada.
She’s weak from beginning to the end of the world. She’s lucky she even got to sit in this exam dear God of Heaven.
Any female rapper not featured here didn’t sit for the exams. We didn’t really need people pulling in Y’s and E’s in the class.
And with that, Wangechi, Noti Flow and STL can proceed to Campus. The rest can go to Zetech and pick out a course of their choice from the dustbin.