BBQ Live: What It Takes To Party Like A True Kenyan
This weekend, I had made up my mind to remain at home and enjoy a nice quiet weekend. But that was not to be. I was called up by my oboys and comrades in mischief and asked to check out BBQ Live because it was happening. I figured that since the last one was a success, I may aswell check this month’s out.
When I got there, I noticed some peculiarities about Kenyans both as a people and as party animals. This is what i observed and while some of it is old, some of it is new:
#1. Kenyan women do not go out to mingle.
When a Kenyan lass decides to go out to a party or to an event, they do not do so to mingle and interact. They do so because it is “cool” to be seen at a certain event. They go out to show off their clothes. When you attempt to talk to a lass, before they here a title, they will shut you down. Unless you look like Adonis which I decidedly do not.
David Mugo (C.E.O of Niaje.com and I)
Do not bother attempting to get to know a Kenyan lass at an event. It’s a waste of time.
#2. In Kenya, nyama choma is king
In our motherland, people’s love for meat is overwhelming. Kenyans wolf down copious amounts of nyama choma (roasted meat) as though coronary ailments are but a myth. The busiest stands were the ones selling meat. if you want to attract Kenyans by the numbers, advertise that your event will sell meat. Thank me later.
#3. Kenyan lads cannot dress
Seriously, this one was disheartening. A Kenyan’s idea of getting dressed for an event is to wear a suit 3 sizes to small and plastic imitation Hermes shoes. Bleurgh!
#4. Kenyans are rude
I have no idea why anyone would go out simply to instigate and pick fights. And while there were no fights at BBQ Live (the security team were on top of things) Kenyans were being rude and aggressive to each other. Whatever happened to the philosophy “Hakuna Matata”?
#5. No event is devoid of obs
They lurk in the shadows or at the entrances. They skulk around waiting for prey to emerge then descend like a pack of wolves. It doesn’t matter how exclusive an event is, obs have a way of surfaces. Obs in Kenya are alot like pimples; they keep popping up! And I hate both!
#6. Kenyans love to drink
Any excuse to drink is good enough. “I woke up on a sunny Saturday. Seems like a legit reason to drink!” “I borrowed the car from mummy and she agreed to me keeping it for the weekend. Seems like a legit reason to drink!”
“Cognito sum, dubito sum, ergo I drink”
All in all, BBQ Live was an awesome experience. You should make it for the next one!
