CABU GAH DIARIES: REVEALED! Here Is How Much Money Kenyan Celebrities Are Planning To Spend This December Holidays. Pastor Kanyari’s Spending Plans Are Super Crazy. But Mike Sonko Is Still Tha Bo$$.
December is here. And a Kenyan December is a turnt up December…complete with endless days of ceaseless debauchery,drunkenness,hedonism,food,road trips,prodigality,orgies and random parties…And Kenyan celebrities are the Number One ambassadors of the madness…And madness demands MONEY. Real Money. As You shall see here.
Kenyans are a crazy lot…Who love to party and party reeeeaaaallll hard! We,by the way,are the leading Country as far as Alcohol consumption is concerned in the whole of East Africa! Whoa! We do crazy shit! Super crazy shit!
What are Your Christmas plans?? If any?? Well,as You haggle and baggle over what thou shall wear,what thou shall drink,whence thou shall go and who thou shalt ‘chips funga’,a section of Kenyan Celebrities have already made up their minds on what is lined up for them in the coming days. Its December,duh? The fanatical month where extravagance go hand in hand with depravity.
People party like its 1969! Booze,women,cars and music is the order of the day…eer,month.
And as You try and gather Your salary in a bid to blow it silly at Your favorite ka-bar in the village,this is what some of Your favorite Stars have planned to splash…And its real money…Cold,hard Money.
Mike Sonko’s plans are not a surprise. At all. I mean,He is the King Of Licentiousness. Shaffie Weru comes close,too.
Here is a list of the Biggest Spenders…People who will be spending real money over the next 30 days. This is a total compilation of the total amount of money these celebrities-and a couple politicians-are planning to spend for the whole period of December holidays.
The money will be spread across booze,women,parties,family,food,meat,church and friends.
Here…Come with Me.
1.Mike Sonko
Approximately Ksh. 10 Million
Expenses…..
Beer—- Ksh. 245,786
Road Trips—–Ksh. 103,098
Showoff—-Ksh. 345,990
More Beer—–Ksh.356,890
Poor Nairobi Women——155,789
His Local Church——-100,999
More Beer—-Ksh.245,670
Goats—–Ksh.46,000
Cows—–Ksh.145,000
Cigars—-Ksh.78,900
Phone Credit—–Ksh.36,768
Data Bundles—-Ksh.15,000
Hotel Rooms——-Ksh. 886,900
Friends and Family—–Ksh.465,900
More Beer—-45,890
2.Bahati
Approximately Ksh.125,490
Expenses…
Charity Homes—-35,000
Tithe—-12,000
Sadaka—–3,000
Soda—-2,500
Kuku—-3,750
Mbuzi—-13,500
More Charity Homes—-18,900
Hotel rooms—–11,790
Family and Friends—-Ksh.27,800
3. Caroline Mutoko
Approximately …Ksh.200,000
Expenses….
Church—–23,000
Goats and Kuku—-21,000
Wines—-34,600
Champagne—-45,000
Christmas Tree—7,000
Charitable Activities—27,000
Flowers—4,000
New Dress—7,800
Parties and Hanging Out—Queen Carol NEVER parties. Or goes out.
Friends and Family—16,000
4. Shaffie Weru
Approximately….Ksh.700,500
Expenses…..
Alcohol—-46,700
Women—26,780
Wine—–36,867
Champagne—–75,564
More Alcohol—-48,300
More Women—-23,589
Nyama Choma—-17,699
More Alcohol—36,700
More Nyama Choma—23,567
His Boys—-36,200
General Parties—250,000
More Alcohol?? Ofcourse Yes!—-87,600
5. Vera Sidika
Approximately……Ksh.600,580
Expenses….
New Dress—-13,000
New Shoes—-24,780
New Hair—-109,800
New Attitude—-Wait,What??
Manicure—7,900
Pedicure—-3,600
Wine—-46,700
Champagne—-65,600
Credit—3,450
Data Bundles—-2,680
Mbuzi na Kuku—-25,690
Hotel Rooms—-205,000
Fuel—-90,500
6. Jaguar
Approximately….Ksh.14 Million
Expenses…..
Philanthropy—-280,000
Alcohol—-200,600
Beautiful Women—390,000
More Philanthropy—-180,000
A random music video that no one will watch—-800,900
New Range Rover—-4.5 Million
New Shoes—-45,000
New Clothes—86,980
New House—8.9 Million
New Song—-32,000
Parties—-270,000
More philanthropy—-278,900
Random poor guy in the street—-18,000
Random sick celeb in hospital—-190,800
Another New House—-Hahahaha
7.Vanessa Chettle
Approximately…Ksh.270,780
Expenses…
Everything….From clothes to booze to parties to shoes to Shisha to more clothes,more booze,more shoes,more parties and more Shisha will be catered for by the Association Of Nairobi’s Bar and Restaurant Owners. Kazi ya Vanessa ni kutumia tu na kuenda nyumbani. Ama kwenda kwao.
8.Smart Joker
Approximately….Ksh.30,000
Expenses….
Chang’aa—-140
Women—-0
More Chang’aa—-250
More Women—-0
Shoes—-1800
Chicken—-20,000
Ugali—-7,000
Eno—-1500
Church—30
Yellow Socks—60
Credit—Okoa Jahazi
9. Uhuru Kenyatta
Approximately….Ksh.10.1 Million
Expenses…..
Booze—-1.5 Million
Abu Dhabi—-1.3 Million
Nyama Choma—800,000
More Booze—950,900
Church—1.2 Million
Selfies——78,980
Random voters—-400,900
More Booze—580,800
Abu Dhabi (Part 2)—1.1 Million
P.R stunts—-380,700
Anti-Bensouda Parties—-340,900
His Boys—-980,960
Friends and Family—700,690
Weed—Hahahaha
10. Pastor Kanyari
Approximately…Ksh.5.2 Million
Expenses...
Upuzi—-90,000
Kukula Pesa Ya Wenyewe—150,000
Paying his 15 “actors” for the December Month—-3,000
More upuzi—46,000
Kuku na Mbuzi na Pesa Ya Wenyewe—15,670
Military Suit—-24,900
Buying Witnesses—-31,000
Intimidating Witnesses—-42,340
New Range Rover—-4.2 Million
Bribing The Media—-78,600
Avoiding the Police—-36,000
Coaching New Recruits—28,900
Betty Bayo new dress–450
Betty Bayo salon—140
Betty Bayo Shoe—-50
Upuzi ya Mwisho—21,980
Wait….Where did I get this list from?? Even I have no idea…But Hey,Doesn’t it seem kinda true?? Most Definitely!
Ummm,Don’t take this list too seriously tho…Y’ know why?? Cuz I guess I am too darn high!
Have a Fabulous Week Ninjas!