CABU GAH DIARIES: I Have Quit Instagram. And This Is Why You All Should Quit The Site Too. And No,Its NOT Because Of Njoki Chege.

 

 

Instagram has been a hot topic this past weeks. And No,not because the Facebook-owned photo-sharing site was launched Yesterday. No. It’s been around for close to 5 Years now. Instagram has been trending after popular male-bashing Subaru-demeaning blogger Njoki Wa Chege decided to attack the Men who spend days on it.

I wasn’t on Instagram until I read Njoki Chege’s virulent article. And then I thought,wait,why not try this Instagram thing? And try,I did.

I joined Instagram on the 1st of January 2015. But that will not be the first time I had joined Instagram. I had tried joining an Year ago before I lost interest…Or,let me put it this way,before Instagram lost interest in Me. Boring Me.

Instagram is basically the Twitter of the affluent. The site where the rich and famous and gorgeous and glamorous post photos of their hedonistic,licentious lifestyles.

It us the site where You encounter people who actually know HOW to travel,HOW to live,HOW to enjoy life,HOW to live it up,HOW to party and HOW to ball.

It’s the site where photos of the best cuisines and best champagnes and best parties and best rides are posted. Edited and airbrushed,to blow away the millions…or thousands or hundreds of followers and individual boasts.

Instagram belongs to the OWNERS of money. It belongs to people with real bank accounts,people with real lifestyles and people with real money to burn. Not for every scrawny boy out there splashing 800 shillings at some Roadside eatery in Ruai.

Instagram is the high school of social media…Where constituents compete with each other on who has the best photos,who is partying in the most opulent joints,who is holidaying in the grandest resorts and who has the most gorgeous girls.

Its a highly-competitive jungle…Where every one is attempting to outdo the other as far as attention-grabbing,statement-making photos is concerned.

After I joined the site,I thought that all I needed to do was simply post photos of myself in the shower and BOOM! The magic happens. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

The magic did NOT happen. Not so soon. And even though I tried editing my photos as much as I could,tried brightening them,sharpening them,adding a little more shade,a little more color, a little more tricks,airbrushing them and beautifying them,it still couldn’t work!

I mean,I couldn’t compete with what I saw people posting. My bland bedroom photos would NEVER compete with the Hawaii beach photos I saw across the site. My grainy 5Megapixel selfies were nothing compared to the super-gorgeous limousine photos I saw from the site. I even tried uploading photos of myself munching a pizza at TRM. And still,they were nothing compared to the photos of opulent kids drowning bottles of Dom Perignon Rose 2002 champagnes.

And then I learnt something more heartbreaking… Apparently,There is a club on Instagram called THE RICH KIDS OF INSTAGRAM.

Just like the American TV show stars,the Rich Kids Of Beverly Hills,The Rich Kids Of Instagram are basically a bunch of spoilt,advantaged kids from affluent backgrounds whose millionaire parents control economies across the World.

These kids could be as Young as 14. And as old as 27.

They are fabulous. Very fabulous. And to try and show the world who they really are,these kids have formed a club aptly called The Rich Kids Of Instagram. Instagram is their playground. And day after day,they shock the World with the most grandiose,most magniloquent and most flamboyant photos You have ever seen.

Everyday,they leave their thousands of followers in awe of their very-enviable lifestyles. And bamboozle them with inside details of just how fun it must be to be them.

I decided to follow these Rich Kids Of Instagram (RKOI) and after 3 full days of watching them and their activities, I decided to quit the photo-sharing site.

It dawned on me that I was NEVER meant for the site. Never! There is no way I could be attempting to compete for attention with the RKOI with the kind of grainy,yawnsome photos I was posting.

There is no way I could stay alive and afloat in these streets surrounded by kids whose photos would put The Saudi King to shame.

I was embarrassed and ashamed and disappointed and mad at myself.

I hated the photos I was attempting to post compared to what these kids were really posting. Nothing I could post would top that. No matter how much I edited the,No matter what I ate or who I was with,still mine was absolute crap when the Real Kings Of Instagram came for Me. I felt sorry to myself.

Instagram was NOT the site I wanted to be on. 13 LIKES is not what God made me for. 6 comments is not what the Lord meant when he said He would bless Me.

My little escapades in Nanyuki were nothing compared to the ACTUAL holidays and sexcapades The Real Owners of Instagram were posting across the timelines. My little dramas in Maasai Mara were a sick joke compared to the real photos of real holidays in phuket,Thailand.

The Rich Kids Of Instagram have pushed me off Instagram.Their money,affluence,exuberance,megabucks,flamboyance,flashiness and panache have put me to shame. And I dare NOT embarrass myself further.

I refuse to embarrass my poor self with obscure photos of myself splashing Ksh.1,850 at a Ruiru Resort. I refuse to put myself to shame uploading photos of my 900 shillings per night hotel in Sagana. I ain’t yet cut for Instagram. Until I start spending real nights in real hotels like the Maharajah’s Pavilion at the Raj Palace,India,Until I start taking Belle Epoque Rosé 2004 champagnes or until I start hanging out with girls as gorgeous as Lauren Katherine Conrad,I aint parading my pathetic life on Instagram.

I leave it for the Rich Kids. And actual Celebrities…..These photos are the reason why. View them and kill Yourself later. Thankyou very much.

Oh,and to kill Yourself better,first You need to follow this LINK and check out who Instagram really belongs to. And No,Its Not You. It will NEVER be You! Pole sana.

                                Socialite Serena Marron shows off her stack of bracelets from luxury label Hermes

                Rolex watch (upwards of £2,000), a £90,000-plus Audi R8 sports car and a bottle of Dom Perignon (£117)

                            Italian socialite Giovanni d’Ajola with a £350,000, 217 mph gold-plated Lamborghini

                                             My goodness! All this gorgeousness! And that beach!

                                          If You cant pose like this….Quit Instagram already! Please!

                                       Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

 

                           Jorge L. Santovenia having a relaxing Sunday in the infinity Pool at Marina Bay Sands in Singapore

                                          This is what to post on Instagram. Sio picha za kuku yenu.

               Harry Brant, the son of Stephanie Seymour and Peter Brant, also on the Amalfi Coast for a ‘day of rest’, on a boat off Positano.

              In Zürich, Switzerland, Vincent Lehmann shows off his ‘Kingpin’ status in front of a Mercedes. WOW!

                                        Instagram sio Ya Mama Yako bana! Hii kitu sio ya Baba Yako bana!

 

                         You either pose with such HOOOOOOOOOOOOOT Women or You don’t pose at all! Now this is Instagram!

Can we all quit Instagram now??? Until we are RICH enough to afford such lifestyles?? And moneyed enough to post such photos?? And powerful enough to be around such Women??? I bet we all could. Otherwise save Your Murang’a Family Day Out photos for Whatsaap.

Asanteni sana.