CABU GAH DIARIES: Huddah Monroe Has Broken The 10 Commandments. The 10 Golddigging Commandments Which Should Never Be Broken. Especially Number 7. Read And Learn.

Huddah Monroe,the blithe Kenyan,eer,socialite has had a rough weekend courtesy of some very unsavoury revelations her former Pay-As-You-Go Lover made on Instagram. In a vain attempt to embarrass and shut him up,Queen Huddah found herself in a rather tight corner after some very unpalatable secrets of her and her clandestine shenanigans were publicized by the irked boyfriend. Photos in tow. Ouch.

Everyone knows Huddah Monroe… Ok,everyone who cares about whatever Huddah Monroe represents knows Huddah Monroe.

And they also know that Huddah is not one to take a fight lying down. Especially a juicy social media fight…she goes all in,hammer and tongs,ready to shred,smudge and rip apart the jugular.

They also know that,well,Huddah does NOT have what can exactly be called a job. And thus,is susceptible to do anything that promises her some cash in return. And, well,going by her very dubious track record,anything can really mean ANYTHING.

Last weekend was a HOT ONE. This was after some very salacious revelations were made about Huddah by King Lawrence,her friend-turned-foe and also one very filthy rich Ugandan tattletale.

According to King Lawrence,a man who has had the bravado to announce that he’s bedded sassy Ugandan socialite,Zari,too,Huddah is a,eer,how do I say this politely?? Ummm,Ok,I gotta say it,a Wh*re. And a very expensive one at that. Who,still according to King Lawrence,prefers to be paid in hard dollars after trading her very nubile body. Toot toot.

And to back up his scurrilous claims,King Lawrence even went ahead and published photos of himself and Huddah in some very very compromising situations…Huddah looking all stoned and satisfied and elated.

He went further and revealed that he had bedded Huddah. And paid her handsomely for the coochie.

He also claimed that,with the right amount of money, you,too,could bed Huddah. Faster than Uhuru signing a Security Law.

Huddah was embarrassed. Good and proper. Glad she hasn’t committed suicide yet. We hope she’s NOT planning on it,though.

Now Now Now…Don’t forget that this Lawrence knave is the same fellow that had earlier published screenshots of his conversation with Uganda’s Diva and Diamond’s girlfriend Zari…claiming she was a cheap broke ass and backing up his claims by showing messages that Zari had been sending to him frantically borrowing him money.

Poor Zari. Poor Huddah.

Is it a crime to,ummm,get paid for some good time You gave some rich guy?? Eeerrr,I think NOT.

But are You ready to be embarrassed and humiliated and enchagrined when Your dirty,concupiscent lifestyle is finally published on the internet by some bitter Ex Boyfriend?? Absolutely NOT.

So….Socialites take note. And Women who sleep with RICH blokes for money…

HERE ARE THE 10 GOLDDIGGING COMMANDMENTS THAT YOU NEED TO FOLLOW BEFORE FINDING YOUR DIRTY BUSINESS ALLOVER THE MEDIA. LIKE HUDDAH DID.

1. NO PHOTOS.
If You are planning to sleep, and ONLY sleep with that rich guy for that bundle of cold dollars,Well,DO NOT agree to take photos with him. Kataa kabisa. Doesn’t matter what good a camera he has,how ravishing he is,how drunk You are or how photogenic You think You are. If you’re with this fat thing only for his wallet,SAY NO to photos.

2. HE MUST NOT BE ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
If You have to sleep with that rich fella just for the cash,I assure You there are a billion rich fellas You can get who are NOT on Social Media. He must be some really clueless fellow. Who doesn’t know what Facebook is…What Twitter is…Who Instagram is…Or even who founded Whatsaap. Found a guy whose not on Social Media?? Great!!! Milk him dry!

3. HE MUST BE A GENTLEMAN.
Yes,not some temperamental thug who,the moment You guys fall apart,will be allover the place publicizing Your dirty past with him. A gentleman would NEVER do that. He’ll sleep with You,take You on trips,buy You stuff,pay You and shut up about it. Perfect guy.

4.NO EXCHANGE OF NUDES.
Never send him Your nudes. Neither should You encourage him to send You his. Stay clothed. All the time. He’s NOT Your hubby. He’s some guy You’re sleeping with for money. Let’s be honest here.

5. EXCHANGE OF MONEY MUST BE FACE-TO-FACE.
Forget MPESA Baby Girl. Or MoneyGram. Or Western Union or whatever other money-exchange medium we have. If he has to pay for that cookie,let him pay You face-to-face. Mbesha vari vari…as the Kikuyu are known to say. No electronic payments. No. Just face-to-face cash payments. Hand to hand. You must NEVER leave a trace of Your money-exchange with him. Never! No receipts. Nothing!

6. NO SELFIES…
Selfies are the more satanic version of photos. And even though I have already said NO PHOTOS,I have to also remind You NO SELFIES. Especially the after-sex bedroom selfies that drunk sexmates are so fond of taking. Smiling like freezing sheep and grinning like old goats. You must NEVER take a selfie with him. Never! Just do Your thing,get up,dress up,pick Your bahasha and leave. James Bond style.

7. NEVER ARGUE WITH HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
Let’s say You broke commandment number 2 and nabbed Yourself some guy who is not only active on social media but also VERY active,always remember that he could bring You down if he wants. Anytime. So,whenever You are sick of him or pissed by him or whatever,You MUST NEVER take that war to Social Media. Because,trust Me little horny rat,He will win the war. And embarrass You. Never argue with him. Or respond. Or accept,deny or try to explain Yourself on Social Media. Truth is; You’re the harlot here. You will never win this thing. Just shut up and log out. He’ll do the same.

8. NO SEX TAPE.
For obvious reasons. In fact,No electronic device in the room before,during and after the hanky-panky.

9. DON’T BEFRIEND HIM.
Always remember that this guy is by no means Your friend. He’s Your business partner. So NO Friendship! STRICTLY. Just show up,transact business,get up,freshen up,dress up,pick Your mshahara mnono and ,without even saying goodbye,walk away. Julia Robert style. Never let him know You too well,know Your people,Your business or Your plans. Be a Bitch about it. Earn Your dollars and vamoose!

10. NO CATCHING FEELINGS.
Women are an interesting lot. And falling in love,to them,is pretty easy and fast. So,in this case,Never allow Yourself to fall in love with him. Never ever! No matter how sweet or charming or adorable or genuinely caring he is,Remember You are the COMMODITY and He is the CLIENT. Never fall for him. Or catch feelings. He’ll leave. And leave You heartbroken. And missing him. And wanting him more and more. Which,we all know,is how You will either end up in Jail with a broken jaw. Or hospital with a black eye. Yes,because You forgot he had a wife. Who would kill for him. Don’t fall in love with him. Please. It’s dangerous.

Well,those are the very simple,very few rules that Huddah Monroe broke. And ended up thoroughly shamed and embarrassed and exposed.

Dear budding golddigger,follow these commandments and thou shalt have a fruitful 2015. And NO ONE will ever know about it. Ever!

Pesh,can You hear Me??!