THE CORNER KICK | 5 Things That Could Shake Kenya If At All They Happened Out Of The Blues (Take Note Of No.3)

Kenya and its people is a laid back country and an introverted one, so to speak. We harbor traditions, cultures and beliefs which we have clung to so religiously that any attempt to dislodge us from them is met with not only severe backlash but massive rebuke and threats of excommunication. And perhaps this explains why to some extent we have managed to maintain and retain some very important morals amongst us.

But the outside world views us in a different way. Western countries still belief that by sticking to our lanes and doing our things the way we do them we are not only naïve but also very archaic and a faction that hates change and its importance.

Well, this is the issue that has prompted me to figure out some of the things that if they happened in Kenya, they are sure to shake the country to the core.

Legalization of Homosexuality

Arguably the most controversial topic within our confines, homosexuality remains a dreaded practice among many Kenyans. The church will disown you if you ever mentioned this. Politicians and artistes too do no advocate for this. the other day when a Kenyan court ordered that an organization for homosexuals be considered for registration, the country roared in disbelief and disgust. Many felt the courts were helping to inject unwanted practices in the 254. It was opposed vehemently.

The US has already legalized same sex marriages but many countries are yet to embrace homosexuality

The US has already legalized same sex marriages and President Obama, who is expected to visit Kenya this month, applauded the ruling made by a California court in favour of same sex marriages. This greatly angered most Africans led by Zimbabwe’s tough Robert Mugabe. In fact Mugabe is reported to have said that he is planning to fly to Washington to propose to Obama so that he can marry him. Hilarious, right?

If homosexuality is finally legalized in Kenya, I don’t want to imagine how the country will react. Disastrous? An applaud? Oh boy, it is just imaginable. Apparently some folks would want to relocate to Zimbabwe. I know of guys who wont tolerate even the mention of this word.

Same Sex Marriage

Let’s assume homosexuality has been legalized by, say, the highest court in the land after the opposition and the government joined hands, probably for the first time, to appeal a ruling by the High Court. Kenyans are already in the streets with anti-homosexuality banners and placards demonstrating and demanding that the decision be rescinded. And of course a section of homosexuals holding a pro-homosexuality demo along Koinange Street from University Way. And parliamentarians and senators holed up somewhere along Uhuru Highway chanting a way forward.

Then as all this is happening, Peter and John reportedly tie the knot somewhere in Arboretum, Nairobi, and the media is here to cover everything as it goes down. Oh my! This will be the biggest story of all time. And more than Felix Kiprono and Malia Obama, it will definitely hit global headlines like an earthquake in Nepal. Then theWest will be applauding Kenyan courts. The west will want to provide asylum/refuge for the couple if Kenyans become too hostile.

These two men married each other in Australia in 2013 but court annulled same sex marriage law that gave them a leeway 

My too religious father will summon me to our sitting room and ask me, my son, are you gonna follow the same root? Of course I will assure him not, and show him my girlfriend as evidence that homosexuality is not my thing, if need be. His heart will skip in appreciation but his mind will remain disturbed because he believes it is Nairobi and its environs that has ruined and corrupted the minds of the young.

While all this is happening, Peter and John are already out of the country, probably to some posh region in France (read Monte Carlo) or somewhere in the US (read Miami), enjoying their honeymoon. They may never come back because Kenyans are not ready for this.

Continued on the next page…

Jeff Koinange, Maina Kageni Or Some Very Respected Celebrity Pulls A Kaitlyn Jenner

Kaitlyn Jenner, step father to bootylicious Kim Kardashian, is the most talked about woman in the world today. This is ambiguous, right? It is that convoluted people! You see Kaitlyn Jenner is former Bruce Jenner. She became Kaitlyn after undergoing some surgery that completely changed her from male to female and since it happened, the world has been talking about this woman like she is the assistant of God.

You doubt this? Well, have a look at how she looks after changing her sexuality:

We are in Kenya, and some very respected celebrity, let’s say Maina Kageni of Classic 105 or Jeff Koinange, decides that enough is enough with being male.

Then he disappears from the limelight for some time only to re-appear spotting a Kaitlyn Jenner. Oooh boy this will be the biggest news of all time. I bet no one, in Kenya, will believe that such a thing has happened within our confines. In fact, someone will go down the books of history. And speaking from a Kenyan perspective, they should be prepared for pure hate!

Caroline Mutoko Releases A Sex Tape

This is one no-nonsense woman we have around. Caroline Mutoko could face anyone during her days on radio. You remember the altercation she had with Nairobi Senator Mike Sonko? The two exchanged words bitterly, with the Senator calling her all sorts of names.

Caroline is not your type of woman. Even a simple call to her will end up being ugly thanks to the way she may choose to handle you. A story at Ghafla! Kenya about Caroline is likely to be retweeted with some heartbreaking lines from the iron lady. Who knows if this one will be treated as the rest? Let’s wait and see.

Perhaps this is why Caroline decided never to have a man in her life. I mean a husband. And no one has ever known much about her private life. I mean the men she dates and sleeps with, if at all she does. All we rely on is speculation.

Then considering all this remains constant, Caroline, at forty something, releases a sex tape! Kaboom! And the sex tape goes veeeery viral!

I’m not going to go beyond here!

Martha Karua Becomes President In 2017

Another iron lady in a different field. While Caroline Mutoko is a media guru, Martha Karua is a seasoned politicians who only went underground after her bid for presidency failed. She was among the most outspoken female legislators in the August House and sincerely spaking, Kenyans miss her big time.

Martha ran for presidency but terribly lost to President Uhuru Kenyatta. Kenya has never had a female president. And speaking from a Kenyan perspective, it is not anywhere near. I’m not sure when this will happen in Kenya. Liberia has done, but Kenya!

Going with this in mind in the coming 2017 elections, and Martha Karua tries her luck yet again. And alas! She topples the incumbent (Uhuru Kenyatta) and becomes the winner! This will be the biggest story of all time. Kenya having a female president!

I am relishing for the day when this will happen, honestly. Who wouldn’t want to feel the leadership of a woman in the echelons of power in the country? I am honestly dying to be led by one. Be it Martha Karua or someone else. I cant wait.