NAKURU 7S: The Game,The Girls,The Fun,The Party,Police Battles,Tear Gas And A Dead Girl In The Car….
In the run-up to the legendary Prinsloo 7s,Twitter went ablaze with thousands of ecstatic tweets of party-goers who were expressing their excitement and channeling their energies towards one of the greatest annual sporting extravaganzas in Kenya.
I was at Skyluxx Lounge Friday night. They had some thunderous huge party held to mark their 5th Anniversary. We showed up. And showed down! It was a long,long night and I don’t remember how I finally ended up at Gypsys Club in Westie… Where there were so many white people,so many Indians,so many foreigners it felt like a downtown Los Angeles Garage party.
The music at Gypsys was horrendous. What’s worse? The sight of drunk white people dancing. Oh man! I was in the company of Kevin Mwangi a.k.a Shaniqwa,some Ghafla writers,some two babes and Trevor Gitonga,the child actor… Who is now so grown up and was so drunk.
We ordered for Shisha. And man,their Shisha is iconic! Sh*t so powerful you want to thank the manufacturer. An hour down the line,punctuated by bad house music,loud Caucasians,rings of shisha smoke and nasal yells from some exuberant Indians,it was time to leave Gypsys. God bless Gypsys. And whoever goes there….
SATURDAY:
Woke up feeling like crap. And looking like a wounded racoon. It’s Prinsloo Day.. So… We get to HAPPEN.
By 10am,I was at Nakumatt Prestige. That’s where we had planned to meet with some dudes. Who showed up an hour later. Unapologetic.
We had two cars; A Noah and a Volvo. The Noah was meant to ferry six to seven drunk souls to Nakuru. The Volvo? Four.
By 11.45am,after raiding Nakumatt Prestige and turning the alcohol section upside down,sweeping as many Tusker, Guinness and Bavaria cans as we could,we left the City.
Why did we converge at Nakumatt? No idea. But we were to pick some chap at Uthiru. And,driving thorough a winding route cutting across the sprawling Kawangware slums,we found our noisy way out and,once at Uthiru,picked the fellow.
He was so hangoverd I wondered why he even came.
I was riding in the Noah. And man,Noahs are fun! Oh,they are! You get to sit your silly self so comfortably,you never wanna get out. The fellow driving the Noah was my friend Odembe. We call him Omosh. I don’t know why. Omosh,all Luo and proud,decides to turn the whole Noah into some Luo Night some of carnival,ignoring the fact that not all the people he’s carrying are Luo,and thus love Luo music. Omosh,loud and boisterous,put on some seriously booming Luo music. Man! It’s 12.28pm! No one wants some never-ending Lady Maureen music at that time!
‘Toa hizo ngoma banaaa! Weka mix! Niko na flash iko na mix kali! ‘ some chap hollered. Everyone else agreed in unison. Hio ngoma peleka Bondo Boss!
Omosh just laughed and asked for the flash disk. And in no time,Fetty Wap is blaring through the speakers…
‘I’m like Hey what’s up hellooo… Seen your pretty ass soon as you came in the door… I just wanna chill got a sack for us to roll…And I get high with my baby…I just left the mall i’m getting fly with my baby yeaahhh’
Everyone is singing along. Except Omosh who looks seriously violated. We laugh at him.
‘Yaani hamjanibaiya tei man!? ‘the fellow we graciously collected at Uthiru asks,sweeping his eyes across the car and seeing everyone popping open a can of whatever frothy drink they’d bought.
‘ Tukupick kwako home na tukubaiye tei! Boss,ushaakuwa Dame!!? ‘ someone snapped back.
‘Aaaah wachangeni za ovyo! Cabu Gah nipee tei bana…’ the fellow,all red-eyed and gruff-voiced says.
He’s now becoming a nuisance! I pass him a Bavaria and tell him that HE HAS to buy me one back. ‘Aaaai kwani Bavaria ni pesa ngapi!?’ he snaps,popping it open and subsequently showering us with so much froth from the can.
‘Wasee tushukeni tupige picha… ‘ Sam offers.
It’s an idea that we all agree upon. And at some Ka-place called Kinungi,or Kinunga or something next to that,we park the cars,flip out our smartphones and turn the whole place into a photography set. There’s some curio shops all around too. And some stalls selling maaaany Maasai shukas. We buy the shukas. And the photography goes on…
We are nearing Naivasha. We are supposed to pick three girls at Kikopey…
‘Tutakula wapi!? Man! Niko njaa! ‘someone says.
‘Tukushukishe ukakule?’ Omosh asks. We laugh.
Dej Loaf comes on. I Loooooooove Dej Loaf! I wanna marry Dej Loaf!
By the time we get to her awesome chorus,the whole car is singing along. Except,of course,Omosh. Haha.
‘Let a nigga try me… Try me… And imma get his whole m***f**kng family. And aint playing with nobody… F**k around and imma catch a body!’ I’m feeling ecstatic. And so deep in the moment.
There’s some little traffic as you pass Naivasha… And then a black Subaru,oh what a souped up black Subaru,zooms past us! We honk at them. They honk back. We holler at them. They holla back.
But for some reason the Uthiru guy flashes them the middle finger! But Why!!? Why does the guy from Uthiru get to be so silly? All the time!!?
As we drive down,caught up in our revelry and noise and sing-alongs,more cars zoom past us… Omosh tries to race the Volvo. Oh I forgot to mention the Volvo all through right? It’s because the Volvo isn’t upto much. And it’s the car in which the girls are supposed to ride in…
Back to Omosh trying to race the Volvo,we almost cause some trouble… The Volvo,turbo-enabled,is tearing down the road so hard,and cutting across so many little avenues and overlapping and using the wrong side,we think it’s a stupid idea to even race.
‘Omosh… Wacha aende.. Msikimbizane…. ‘ Nick,the sober one amongst us,says.
We are finally at Kikopey!! Yeeeaaayy! And At Kikopey,there’s a truly insane traffic situation… We drive slowly and,reaching up to our purple Volvo,we take a detour into the expansive Kikopey meat parlor. It’s time to EAT! And pick akina Stella.
‘Heeeeeyyyy! ‘some voices,excited and noisy,holler at us. Omosh is honking harder than a maafaka.
It’s Stella and Wambui and Bella.
They’re dressed to the nines. Skimpy outfits,tons of makeup,huge bags,massive amounts of jewelry,fresh hair,spanking fresh manicure, scarlet red lips,barely-there tops and they’re all smelling like three acres of heaven.
‘Cabu Gaaaaaaaaaaaah! ‘Wambui hollers,running towards our car and sweeping me away in a hug so tight,so nice I never want to let go.’ Aki you guys are already drunk! Waaaah!’ she says,letting go and spreading that hug across the Team.
‘Wapi Guarana zangu!?’ Stella demands. ‘Ulisema utanibaiya Guarana Nakumatt…’
I scramble around for some idle Guarana can and pass it to her… ‘Guarana moja!!? Nataka six pack!’ she protests.
‘Madame wataenda kwa Volvo.. Na wasee wengine kwa Noah vile tu tumekam… ‘
‘Cabu Gah uko kwa gani?’ Wambui asks.
‘Noah… ‘
‘Naenda na Noah… ‘
We open the car boot and blare the music so loud we’re about to turn the butchery eatery into a random Harlem barbecue festival.
‘I’m hungry!’ Bella says. ‘Me too! Me too! Ni wapi kuna nyama poa!?’
Kikopey,for the ignorant,has some of the BEST meat in this Country. Best meat!
We raid some ka-joint and burn it down! We take so much meat and ugali were starting to look like -and smell like-66 Maasai herdsmen from a tribal initiation ceremony.
All around Kikopey,tens of cars of parked too. And many youths can be seen talking each other up,dancing besides their cars,drowning some Tusker,smoking,taking photos and walking into the many nyama joints around.
Off to Nakuru now! We’re full,we’re happy,we’re loud and we’re wasted.
Upon arrival,Wambui wants to change into some sexier attire. As if she doesn’t look under-dressed already.
Ratchet mode activated : WE ARE IN NAKKKUUUURUUUUUU!
First stop, Nakumatt. Na huku ndio wazimu iko.
The entrance to Nakumatt is so insanely jammed,we want to give up getting in. And the security is working so slowly… So freaking slowly,it’s just pathetic.
Once inside Nakumatt,there’s a sea of humanity. And the crowd around the Alcohol section is so huge,the people are looking so fresh,the girls so gorgeous,the mood so lively I want to always be like this. Forever.
‘Cabu Gah… My six pack. ‘Wambui says.’ Me too! ‘Stella jumps.
Aaaahhhh hii wasichana watanisotesha Bana!
It’s 3.15pm.
PART TWO COMING UP
(Check Out More Photos Next Page)
