10 things not to do on Valentines Day

Valentine’s day is this weekend. So here is your obligatory article on what you should and should not do on Valentines. Also, alcoblow is suspended on Friday, SO I guess do number one is….. Nah I’m kidding, be responsible. 

1. Don’t buy your girlfriend a cliche gift. Unless you’re both in primary school. Re-think about your terrible gift idea of “a single long stem rose for my single long stemmed rose” or a giant teddy bear. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

2. DO NOT post sickening overly romantic statuses or tweets about Valentine’s Day. You know what they say. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. If you’re trying too hard to let everyone know how in love you are, you’re probably not. Send your over-emotive fellings in a text directly to your partner instead. And in the same breath:

DO NOT post bitter tweets or Facebook statuses about how much you hate Valentine’s Day (this goes for the singles and the dating too) You’re being a serious buzzkill for everyone. AND it comes across as if you are jealous of those actually pretty loved up. Just act like you don’t even know it’s happening; be content and happy with your single life/non-valentine celebrating coupledom

3. DO NOT do the most. Try too hard on this day, and you will be suffering for the rest of the year. If you can’t cook an egg, what makes you think you’ll cook lamb shanks and kiwi flan for homemade dinner? It will flop. (petpeeve, #StruggleFood on the gram. Just bin it. Or tag it to @cookingforbae) Or take your girl for a night in Naivasha with champers in your room, then next weekend when she just wants to do a movie, you’re blowing her off cuz you were tricking the last weekend. HAH! A good measure is: Is your date instagram-worthy. If it is, you’ve passed. Enough surprises to make a cute insta-pic collage, but not too much to be tricking, or too disastrous to be grammed. 

4. If you’re single, don’t feel the need to stay in. Have a night out with your friends, go for a lovely dinner somewhere (don’t forget restaurant week got extended), take yourself for a drink, host a dinner party for your friends. Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. Enjoy your own company, or that of close friends. Either way, take advantage of the fact that your favourite hang out spots might be empty cuz all the couples will be in restaurants, so go to a nice bar and have a good time.

5. DO NOT overspend. We’ve all seen this by now.

This isn’t a birthday or Christmas, so don’t break bank trying to get an amazingly expensive gift. Just make sure you put some thought into whatever present you buy. (Rule #1 applies though. Get something that’s a little bit different to the usual chocolates or flowers)

6. DO NOT go on a first date on Valentine’s Day. It’s up in the air for this one. Apparently for some people it’s ok. So take this with a pinch of salt. My opinion: It could make things awkward because it’s putting quite a lot of pressure on both of you as it’s the very first time you’ve gone out together. The pressure will be EVERYWHERE! To get someone a gift who you don’t know it will progress past a second date, all the awkward assumptions that will happen to you at restaurants, bars, gift shops. The couples around you super loved up and y’all are trying to just know each other.

7. Do NOT, under any circumstances, call your ex. Just don’t do it. The only thing worse than drunk calling your ex, is sober calling your ex on Valentine’s Day. Can somebody spell PATHETIC?

8. Don’t complain or moan. Don’t ruin it by arguing or feeling sorry for yourself because of how much you spent. Don’t whine about how last year was much better than this year. Just enjoy it. It’s never that serious

9. Don’t wait until the last minute! It’s just stupid to wait until the day before Valentines to organise things and get your gifts, and try to make it seem like you had thought it out. This will just make you stressed and not enjoy any of it. It WILL lead to arguments with your partner. In this case, just do flowers, and go cook your significant other a meal at home, and hope dessert will do the trick *wink*. Keep it simple.

10. DO NOT forget to make reservations if you’re going out on Valentine’s Day. It may seem obvious, but don’t forget to actually reserve for the day/evening. Reminders on your phone, alarms every day of this week running up, sticky notes above your bed. DO NOT FORGET. You will NOT get a walk in to your favorite restaurant or your girls favorite restaurant. You will be the trifling person being turned away at the front door. DO NOT be that guy.  

(Chim. Leave me alone now. It’s NEVER happening. Get yo’ life.)