CABU GAH DIARIES: Kenya Has NO Entertainers. Just Singers. Lessons From Diamond,Chameleone,Davido,Wizkid,Chris Brown,Rihanna…Etc.

The rest of the World has Entertainers. Kenya has,well,singers. Or just rappers. And we wonder why Nigeria refuses to paly our music. Well,It’s NOT because we cannot sing. Or do catchy tunes. Its because,beyond the song,We are DEAD. WE have NO personalities.

Diamond and his love triangles… His women…His beefs…His antics…His sideshows…

Chameleone and his beefs…His bar brawls…His arrogance…His flamboyance…His cars…His fights with other artists…

Davido,Davido,Davido! A name so ubiquitous…You heard it on Your way to work today.

Wizkid and his arrogance…Dramas…Women…Social Media fights…Flamboyance…Flashiness…Defiance…Lawbreaking antics…Use of illegal substances…

Chris Brown and Rihanna…King and Queen of Pop Culture.

Why are these artists soooooo big in Kenya?? Bigger than our OWN Artists?? Why is Diamond and Chameleone the most played artists on 2 of Kenya’s biggest radio shows-Classic 105 Breakfast Show and Mzazi Willy M Tuva’s Mambo Mseto show?

Why are Davido and Wizkid the most played artists on some of Kenya’s biggest stations and Clubs including One FM,Kiss 100 and Kiss TV??

And why is Chris Brown and Rihanna such huuuuge cultural titans in Kenya?? Known and loved and followed and imitated and idolized by 80% of the urban Youth??

Let me tell You why. Its NOT just because they are artists. Or singers….with good music. I mean,we have millions of singers in the World anyway.

Well,its because,besides singing,these people ARE ENTERTAINERS.

 

There Is a Difference.

A singer is just any fellow that can walk into some studio,armed with a song, poorly-crafted or otherwise,record a song and proceed to have it packaged in a CD for mass distribution.

A singer is any fellow-or woman-that can hit the high notes… Craft a tune,work a beat and serenade masses with their voices. That’s all.

An entertainer,however,is a whole different person.

An Entertainer goes a step further. An entertainer doesn’t just sing…He brings the song alive,he connects with the listeners,he bares his soul and parades his life in the public domain, he shocks and outrages,an entertainer keeps the crowd yearning for more ..Not just more music…But more of HIMSELF. He is a living form of Entertainment.

And that’s why,in popular shows like Tusker Project Fame (TPF),Only the entertainers would manage to capture the crowds and stay in the house longer. Even if they were the least talented.

Tanzania’s Hemedi was an entertainer. Kenya’s Ng’ang’alito was an entertainer. And South Sudan’s K-Deng was an entertainer…too.

While other contestants were just a bunch of yawnsome,monotonous singers…with awesome voices but pathetic personalities, Hemedi,Ng’angalito and K-Deng went a step further. They didn’t just sing. They entertained.

Infact,they didn’t care much about their singing (Which in most cases was horrible anyway)…More than the entertainment they were feeding the viewers.

And look how far they went. Look how memorable they still are. To date.

But were they the best singers?? Actually,NO.

But they were ENTERTAINERS.

Yesterday,it was revealed that,according to Jaguar,a very huge Kenyan singer,Nigerians DO NOT PLAY Kenyan Music. Infact,they dare NOT touch it.

Yet they play Diamond. But why?? Its simple. Because they DO NOT know You. They do not know who this Jaguar guy is.

Besides the good voice,good song and good chorus…What more do You have to offer??

Who are You?? What do You represent?? What do You do?? Who are You dating?? What’s Your stand on various World issues?? What’s Your drama? Who have You broken up with last?? Who are You sleeping with?? Who are You fighting with on social media?? What car did You just buy?? When were You arrested last?? What the hell is that You wore last night???!!?

Those are the things that maketh AN ENTERTAINER.

Look at Diamond Platnumz. The kid is always on the news. Always. Either for dating controversial women and having very public break ups with them or beefing with East African Artists…Or going back to his old girlfriends or singing songs about death and showing up on stage with a coffin.

Look at Chameleone. Another Entertainer. One minute he is falling off storey buildings and braking his legs,the other minute he is having physical fights with Bebe Cool,the other minute he is dissing his own brother and the other minute he is living larger than the Ugandan President himself.

Davido and Wizkid are masters of controversy. The Kings of Entertainment. They’re in the news day in,day out. New music or no.

But the only time Kenyan artists are in the news is when they release a new,mostly crappy,song. Or post throwback photos of themselves looking like Siberian wolves.

Besides that,You will have to push and prod and pressure them to be in the news.

They prefer to live private lives…Mostly private pathetic lives. They won’t tell You who they’re dating,won’t tell You what they think of their fellow artists,won’t agree to be dragged into a beef,won’t share their strong, albeit controversial,opinions on World or National issues, won’t appear in public,won’t grant interviews,won’t allow us into their private lives  and some are NOT even on social media at all!

Lord! Who are these people!?? Who are these bunch of lifeless,boring people?? Who would want to follow them? Be like them,idolize them or even give a rat’s ass about them?? Why are they even Celebrities?? These supremely boring bunch of decaying human beings??

90% of Kenya’s celebrities are purely the MOST BORING PEOPLE ALIVE. 90%. Infact,95%.

No wonder Nigerians don’t play our shit! Its because they DO NOT know Us!

You cannot make news across Africa by just releasing that single song You did with Your sister as a backup vocalist.

To be on major African gossip blogs, from Nigeria to South Africa to Ghana,You MUST start ENTERTAINING Your fans.

Not just singing and retreating to Your comfy homes in South C.

Kenyan artists MUST stop singing. And start Entertaining!

Go out there…Be loud,Be heard,Be ratchet,Be crazy,Be You!

Make bold statements,appear in unusual places,speak Your minds,attack who You wish to attack, roar,scream,shout,embrace beefs,challenge Your rivals, date some celebrity women,cause a buzz, dress crazy,act all diva,tackle hard topics and shock the World.

Be in the News. Always. Whether they like it or NOT. Invite us into Your World…Your soul…

That’s how Nigerians-And the rest of the World- will start taking notice of You. And playing Your music.

But that is unachievable with the kind or boring lifestyles You lead…Led by Wyre and Nameless and Juacali,Nonini,DNA,Mr. Lenny,Wahu,Avril,Amani,Kendi,Rabbit,Kenzo,Ala C,Jay A….I could name the whole industry here! The whole boring lot of You!

Prezzo is an entertainer. So is Muthoni Drummer Queen.

We are tired of You singing to Us. START entertaining us now! Or forever remain at the bottom of Africa’s showbiz!

Showbiz shall NOT be conquered by the best singers or rappers…But the Best Entertainers. Its showbiz! For Christssakes! Not a PCEA Women’s Guild Seminar!

Adele has the Best Voice in the World. But most boring personality ever. And that’s why, even with much lesser talent than Adele,Rihanna remains at the top. Remains The Queen. And remains the World’s Most favored Female Diva.

Because she is an Entertainer…Not just a singer!

I want to be entertained! Enough of the singing. And rapping.